For you non-blogger types out there or those of you not up on the conference circuit, there is currently a big conference going on in Nashville, Tennessee called Blissdom. It’s founded and organized by Alli Worthington and Barbara Jones. And in case you don’t completely get my writing style, this is a tongue-in-cheek piece. But you knew that already.
1. As you know from my previous posts, I can’t stand the celebrity types. I don’t read celebrity gossip magazines. I don’t flaunt any celebrity encounters I’ve ever had. And apparently, Michele Branch is there and Jack White flew into town. Puh-lease. With my luck, I’d run into them and have to hang out at the bar and pretend to be friends and I just don’t need that hassle.
2. Everyone knows that when you are attending a conference with hundreds or thousands of your fellow bloggers, you have to look good. So as for the pressure? No thanks. Because then I would have had to go shopping and buy really cool new shoes and dressed and tops and maybe even a purse. And I just don’t like to shop for myself. Or spend money on myself. Ever.
3. I couldn’t bear to be away from my son. He just turned 4 on Monday and since then, I’ve experienced interrupted sleep, 3 nights of vomit, and 48 hours of nonstop green boogery stuff. I wouldn’t want to miss all that. I am his mommy after all.
4. The swag bags are sure to be super lame. Just because the sponsors include Lands End, Nestle Toll House, Con Agra Foods, Kellogg’s, Hallmark, Johnson & Johnson, Jockey, and plenty of others, I can’t imagine the events or swag would be worthwhile at all. Not. At. All.
5. Have you ever met Alli Worthington? I haven’t either. I mean, we were in the same room at Type-A Mom. I think I saw her at BlogHer. But she definitely follows me on Twitter. And we definitely share photos on Instagram. And here’s what I can surmise. She’s absolutely no fun at all. She’s a total drag. Way too serious for my taste. Even though she has a silly grin on her face in every single picture.
6. The whole conference is at the Opryland Hotel. I mean, it’s just so cliche. And they just completed a total restoration and renovation of the hotel. I’m sure it’s lost all its charm. It would probably be just another luxurious hotel in the heartland of America. Who wants that? They probably even offer spa services. Ugh.
7. I would have to come out of my extroverted introvert shell. I love people once I get to know them. And once again, I’d have to pretend to be all outgoing and meet some of my favorite online buddies like @MollyinMinn, @CarissaRogers, @AngEngland. And then I’d have to reunite with fellow bloggers like @EvolvingMommy, @AmyMcHodges, @Onemomsworld, @RealLifeSarah, and @ShellThings. That would just be exhausting for me.
8. It’s in Nashville, Tennessee. I already live in the South. I have found, on occasion, that my mouth tries to form the word “y’all.” If I went to Nashville, I’m quite sure that “y’all” might become part of my permanent vocabulary and I just don’t need that.
9. Have you seen the sessions? I doubt I would have gotten anything out of them. I mean, who needs to know more about photography, video, writing, monetization, SEO, branding & PR? See what I mean? There’s nothing there for me to learn. Because I know all that stuff. Probably.
10. And the final reason I’m glad I didn’t go to Blissdom? I wouldn’t have had anything to write about for today’s post.
Why are you glad you didn’t go? And are you going to make the same choice next year?