Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Reinventing Myself

I knew this day would come but honestly I thought it would be later this year. This is the last Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. I won’t be hosting the meme anymore and while I never set out to teach anyone anything, I hope that you’ve learned the quality of writing that can come when you just let go and start writing.

I debated with myself about this quite a bit. First, the facts: Sunday is my single highest traffic day of the week, unless I post something really remarkable, which seems to be less and less often. I hesitated to give that up. Also, I really feel like this is a community here. Even if it’s off and on, it makes me read your blogs. I feel like you are all my people. Yes, I’m laying claim to you: Julie and Gabriela and Tricia and Erin and Rachee and Rachel and Dominique and the other Julie and all the new people that take the plunge and decide to join in.

But Saturday night rolls around and it feels like an obligation. For me personally, it’s defeated the purpose of why I started it in the first place. And I rarely get to all of the posts. That’s not fair. I want to read your posts. I just never seem to make the time to do it.

When I was talking with my husband about how I’m feeling about a lot of aspects of blogging lately, he encouraged me to just let go. So I’m going to start doing more of that. Starting today.

Please come by and read my blog once in a while and please send me your post links in Twitter (that’s where I do most of my reading from). And hopefully join me for one last brain dump.

Today’s (Optional) Writing Prompt: What does it mean to reinvent yourself?

Here we go…

stream of consciousness Sunday

I moved, in case you hadn’t heard. In case I hadn’t drilled it into your head about 50 millions times. I have a new house in a new state. I have a new car. I have a new grocery store and hardware store and parks to discover. And yet, I feel stagnant. I don’t know what it is and I can’t shake it.

Professionally, I’m all over the place. Personally, I feel chaotic – like I’m barely keeping it together. It’s all first world problems. Truly. My struggles are internal. Somewhere along the way I’ve lost that sense of internal satisfaction.

Maybe it’s because I still, after all these years, don’t know what I want. Don’t know what success looks like to me. And these are all things I’ve written about SUNDAY AFTER SUNDAY. And still, I’m not getting anywhere.

I try not to take in the big picture. I try not to compare or get overwhelmed. I try to take it one day at a time. But when your days aren’t always good, it makes it hard to think about how to make the next day better.

And truth be told, I feel like I’m in the kitchen cooking. I’m throwing in one ingredient at a time but I have no clue what the recipe is. WHAT AM I MAKING? How do I know if I need more salt or more sugar if I don’t even know what IT is? And Sundays are when I seem to wax philosophical about all this stuff. And frankly? I’m starting to get on my own nerves. My writing feels like a broken record and I don’t want to write it probably anymore than you want to read it.

Honestly, I found I’ve become better at talking about a product or a brand. At writing a cute or humorous little story that integrates right into the tagline of a product. And that’s okay. I’m glad I can do that because that stuff pays. But it doesn’t bring me internal satisfaction. It’s when I really write – the stuff in my heart – that I feel most proud. And it’s when people really seem to read my writing. But nobody pays me to do that (and sorry – that little ad on the sidebar was just an experiment at making money; I think I can now afford bubble gum from the revenue).

So today, I took myself on a drive all by myself. I really wanted retail therapy. I wanted something to make me feel better, even if only temporarily. So I went shopping.

I ended up at Walgreen’s. Drug stores are harmless enough, right? And that’s when I had this realization that it wasn’t the chaos in my life or house or computer, it was within me. And I needed something to snap me out of it. At the store, I bought hair dye, because I feel so much better with dark brown hair than with this blondish highlights. I bought some magnetic purple nail polish (no, really, it’s magnetic). And I bought one of those silly overprice hairstyle magazines with styles that nobody would ever wear. But I bought it anyway. I’m going to do some thinking before I pick up the phone, or worse, a pair of scissors.

Then I went to Tuesday Morning where I had been eyeing up a few framed prints. Two prints of fairies. Very girly and vintage and very unlike me. But it’s what I wanted. And I’m going to hang them in my office.

What’s next? You guessed it. This blog is getting a facelift. Radical, I think. I have no clue how I’m going to do it. I’m not going to pay anyone. I might bribe my sister to help me with some of the hard stuff. But it’s time to reinvent myself. Again.

This was well over 5 minutes but considering this was my last official brain dump, I thought you might indulge me. THANK YOU FOR BEING PART OF MY COMMUNITY!

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post below.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Now…

1. Grab the button

(it’s over in the sidebar)

2. Write your post.

3. Link up here.

  • http://twitter.com/juliedutch Julie

    I’m sad that I didn’t do SOC Sunday today for your last one! (I blogged, but spent WAY more time thinking/prepping it.) :) 

    We all go through these times of needing re-invention. I completely understand why this is the last SOC for you… and I’m excited to see where blogging takes you next. :)

    • FadraN

      Thanks, Julie. I love having your support!

  • Elena

    Ok I am sad.I started doing SOC way back when and then got out of the habit. I am glad to participate again this last week. Having said that, I absolutely absolutely absolutely get it about reinvention. Change is good, and knowing what you want is so important. Can’t wait to see the facelift! :)

    • FadraN

      I’m nervous a little. So tired of not feeling satisfied but I guess that’s what keeps me from feeling complacent.

  • cait

    Thank you soso much for doing this link-up!! It’s been awesome fun for me and my sister. We loved it! And we’re really sad to see it’s stopped. You do some amazing writing on this blog and it’s been so much fun being part of your link-ups. You’ve inspired us with our blogging and writing. So thank you.

    Good luck with reinventing. And good luck on your journey. :)

    • FadraN

      Those are SUCH kind words. And you have no idea the thrill I get every week when I see you’ve linked up. I love that blogging knows no boundaries!

  • http://www.facebook.com/dominiquegoh Dominique Goh

    I too am sad to hear that SOC sunday is going away but it has been great participating for the past few months. Maybe it’s time that I revive weekend reflections on my own blog which I have been doing a few years back.

    • FadraN

      Whatever you write, I know people will come!!

  • Melissa_FillingOurBucket

    I’m sad! I’m not sure when I found SOCS or how long I have been doing it, but I love it. I understand though, the need for change. I of course, will still be reading! 

    • FadraN

      You’ve been here for a loooong time. It’s amazing all the people that come and go, It’s been a wonderful succession of microcommunities!

  • KeAnne

    Awww I’m going to miss SOC Sunday! I haven’t had a chance to participate recently, but I read them faithfully. But you are right: it’s time to stop when it starts to feel like an obligation. I love your writing, Fadra, and I can’t wait to see what is coming next for you!

    • FadraN

      I have no idea what is next, honestly. I just know I need to do more. I have no idea what more looks like but I’m going to work on it!

  • Kenya Johnson

    I’m sad to see you go. With the move and all though, I felt it coming – so its no surprise. In the meantime I wanted to begin to host a similar thing but I just couldn’t. I know how much work it is, though mine is different. I host a Monday Marketing, its a promotion thing so its not any blogs I have to read but I tweet everybody. So even just to put up pretty much the same thing every Sunday can be daunting if you have something else to do. I haven’t always linked up but I have some good ones in my collection thanks to your prompts. I will always keep the SSOC in mind when I just need to write and get it out. Best wishes to you!

    • FadraN

      Thanks, Kenya. I’m so glad you started linking up. I love reading your blog and please send me links so I remember to read!!

  • Nichole

    Aw, I always enjoyed your Sunday musings! I’ll host it if you want to keep SOC alive. Just let me know!

    I’m doing some facelift work on my blog, too. Conferences always leave me wanting to shake things up.

    • FadraN

      Yeah, I felt good about my blog but just feel like there’s something more I need to do. Not sure what yet. And I’m musing about what to do with SOC Sunday. I have a few people interested…

      But it’s my baby!!!

  • http://twitter.com/ByWordsMusings Nicole Morgan

    Oh sweet thing do I hear you … this morning I thought about writing then dismissed it. Then I decided to come and see what your theme was today .. and there it was.  My feeling, my state of mind.
    And I wrote.
    And I was going to delete.
    For the things unsaid, and for the words on my screen.
    Sigh …

    You and I, so very glad we are friends xxx

    • FadraN

      Yours was the first post I read today. I’m glad you wrote and linked up, friend.

  • http://angelaamman.com/ Angela Amman

    I don’t think I’ve ever participated, but I love reading these. Yet I understand your need to let it go. Good luck with the redesign, both your hair and the blog :)

    • FadraN

      The hair was a success so I hope the blog follows in its footsteps. Thank you for reading!

  • http://www.scargosun.com/ Scargosun

    I will probably still do SOC on my own if that is ok with you. :)  It has helped my brain wander into pastures unknown all for the good.  I love what you wrote and think it’s exiting to reinvent parts of yourself.  Between you and a few other bloggers this Sunday, I am getting TONS of inspiration. :)

    • FadraN

      I have to say, I’d eventually like to STOP feeling like I need to reinvent myself. But that would mean I’m totally satisfied. I’m not sure I’ll ever get there.

      And this whole thing started purely by accident. I was going back to my English Comp days in college and it was an exercise we used to do in our journals. I hope you do keep doing it and keep writing!

  • a.eye

    I know I am sad that you will not be doing the link up, but I am hopeful that you find yourself and feel less stressed by not doing them.  I could tell that something like this change was coming with your move and with your past posts trying to figure things out. 

    I will miss reading all of the SOC posts, but I will be back to read your other ones and to see how you change up your blog.

    I wish you the best and thanks for hosting these – I have only joined for a few months, but it has been enlightening for me and has been a great release on several occasions.

    Thanks!

    • FadraN

      I’ve loved having you join in. I’m always glad to discover new blogs through SOC – yours included. And I appreciate you having been such a regular. Thanks for coming back!

  • http://www.raising-humans.com/ Tricia

    Oh, Fadra, say it isn’t so!

    I’ve loved coming here on Sundays to speak from the heart and read as others do the same. But if your heart is telling you that now is the time to make a change, then I am excited and happy for you. I can’t wait to see what’s in store and I’m happy to be part of this community, wherever it goes!

    Congrats and all the best of luck to you!

    • FadraN

      I’ve been thinking about it for a while but didn’t want to let anyone down. When my husband made the suggestion, I just knew it was the right time. I love creating a community though, so I’m sure I’ll do that again.

  • http://chroniclesofpookahsmom.com Rose’s Daughter

    OH no!! I’m so sorry that SOC sunday is going away! But I understand about reinventing yourself. I’m working on that myself this summer! Change is good! I can’t wait to see what you come up with next!

    • FadraN

      I’m reinventing myself online a bit but I need it in real life too. That’s even harder. Maybe we’ll find a way to reinvent together!

  • http://twitter.com/pamelazimmer pamela zimmer

    Hi there, I’ve only visited your website once before, but always been drawn to come back. Ironically, I chose today – your last SOC day. I honor your choice to move on, to “reinvent yourself” and to listen to your heart. And good luck with the hair dye and the magnetic purple nail polish – sounds FUN! :)

    • FadraN

      Pamela – Just my Sunday meme is going away, not my blog. So please come back! The hair dye went well but the real work is ahead of me…

  • http://janasthinkingplace.com Jana Anthoine

    Oh, I’m so sad that SOC is going away. You know how much I love it! But I’m excited for your new reinvention. Funny that so many of us are going through the same thing right now. See you in a few weeks!!

    • FadraN

      I think of it as having a midlife crisis online, for everyone to suffer through. Perhaps I just figure a little bit more out on my own :)

  • http://twitter.com/ErinORiordan Erin O’Riordan

    Thank you for being a gracious hostess to us all these weeks, Fadra. 

    I don’t think I have anything to say on the subject of reinventing myself. I think I’ve always been who I am. 

    • FadraN

      Erin – that’s what makes you so unique. I’m so thrilled you joined our community and I admire that you KNOW who are are. I think I’ll figure it out one of these days ;)

  • JulieJordanScott2

    I can’t remember how I tumbled into SOCSunday – probably in search of a writing prompt or Meme to participate within… to have conversations, perhaps. That’s what I love – to read and write “conversations” and to me, that is what SOCSunday has grown into for me.

    The addition of the prompts has been great.

    AND!! I am thrilled you recognized the need and are taking on reinvention. Its perfect timing, isn’t it?

    You aren’t vaporizing, you are simply getting a slightly different, fabulously gorgeous new Fadra-Skin. It looks fabulous on you! (as I repeat in this, my final SOCSunday post which took seven rather than five minutes. SORRY!)

    I’ll be watching your blog as it shifts and changes, too. You better believe it!

  • http://www.facebook.com/megan.broutian Megan Broutian

    My first SOC. I cheated a little bit because I had been thinking about this for a while, and been meaning to join since last week. But I did time myself and write it down in 5 minutes (the only thing I edited was the html, so it fits in my blog). 
     Also, didn’t know there was a prompt. Can we just forgive me and chalk it off to …rookie mistake? Or consider this as my reinventing myself as a storyteller (haha)?Also, I just went through learning and upgrading my blogs the hard way. If there’s anything I can do to help, please feel free to ask :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/megan.broutian Megan Broutian

      Very sad that you are stopping it, obviously, now that I bit the bullet…

  • http://twitter.com/BocaFrau Susi K

    I have never participated in one of your SOC link-ups but have read for a while now. I’m sad to see it go but I totally get what you are saying. Good luck with the face-lift. I just re-did my blog with a new theme and such. Not completely done but totally happy with it. I can somewhat relate to what you are going through (not completely, because I’m not you) but a little… and then I found blogging. 

  • http://www.livinglavidanormal.com SimplyGabriela

    Fadra, I’m excited for you! I’m going to miss coming back here every Sunday to read what’s on your mind. Thank you for spurring me to feel ok about posting a brain dump on my blog in public. Thank you for creating this community that is SOC Sunday. I understand when it begins to feel like a chore instead of something enjoyable. I applaud you for taking the step to let go instead of forcing yourself to continue.

    I appreciate you, I appreciate your presence on the Internet and I look forward to keeping up with you. I know there won’t be a formal link-up anymore but I will continue to write my brain dumps, they help me tremendously. I hope that someday our paths will cross and we can meet in person. The claim is reciprocal, by the way. When I have a full Google Reader and just before I hit ‘Mark All as Read” I always read your posts, sometimes quickly without chance to comment but I still read them. Good luck with it all!

  • http://www.facebook.com/megan.broutian Megan Broutian

    Fadra, I just finished reading all the entries and two things struck me: how sad everyone feels with the official ending of SOC and how many have expressed a desire to continue doing them, regardless.

    So here’s what I propose: how about you select someone to carry this torch for you and continue with the SOC and the weekly prompts. That way, if and when (I suspect mostly when) you start missing it, you’ll have someplace to come back to. What do you think?

  • http://www.jmarkafghans.com/ JMarkAfghans

    I can really relate. SOC Sunday was part of my weekend for a few short weeks last year.

    Then, as the holidays approached, blogging became a chore; as you say, an obligation that removed all of the fun out of writing. I’m working my way back, and my first thought was SOC Sunday.

    Funny that I would think of you, just days after the last post. But, I would like to thank you for sharing and can’t wait to see where you grow from here.

  • Pingback: Stream of Consciousness Sunday: The Takeover | jana's thinking place

  • http://accordingtodenise.com/ Denise

    I always loved SOC Sundays.  I totally understand the need to stop and reinvent.  I will definitely still stop by because your writing rocks.  Good luck on the new adventure.  Can’t wait to see what unfolds.

  • http://monstersupplements.com/store/frontpage-lang-1.html Mark B

    Nice post.Really you have mentioned some great points with us. Most of people are looking these types of valuable posts. Keep in touch with us.