This Saturday is going to be my favorite Saturday of the year.
It’s the day when I say (usually in the following order):
Why did we think having a yard sale was a good idea?
We are never having a yard sale ever again.
How did we end up with so much stuff?
We are never buying anything ever again.
And this is a good thing because it usually comes after my least favorite Friday of the year. It’s the day of purging.
Actually, the purging starts months before this day. It’s when I think I have nothing left to donate and then I pull a few shirts out of the closet and just set them over there. I start to think that maybe my mom will want them. So I invite her over.
This actually happened a few months ago. My mom came over while I tried on virtually every piece of clothing in my closet. The idea was to donate some to her and donate the rest to charity. And the pile grew big. Really big.
No problem. I have no problem donating large piles of clothes to charity.
But then I pulled out these gorgeous dresses that I bought from the clearance rack at TJMaxx when I needed more corporate-y type dresses (like for interviews that never came). And while I still love the dresses, it’s going to be a long time before I see a size 6 again. And the same with a dress I bought for a wedding and a fun party dress I bought just because.
Then I thought maybe I can sell them on eBay so all my shopping won’t have been in vain! But the reality is I’ll never get around to listing them and if I did actually auction them off, it would be another 3 weeks before I got them in the mail to the buyer and I’d get a negative rating and that would be the end of my eBay career.
So the answer is, of course, to have a yard sale.
This, I know how to do. I think I’ve had a yard sale almost every single year of my life. I’ve hosted them at my apartment. I’ve held an “indoor” yard sale when the weather was cold. I’ve done an individual sale, an estate sale, a community sale.
And yet, I still hate them.
This Saturday, I’ll get up earlier than usual. I’ll throw open the garage and start setting up the tables and putting out boxes of stuff as the “customers” come way earlier than the posted time. They’ll be rummaging through boxes as I’m still trying to set up. They’ll ask for prices before I’ve even had my first sip of tea. And I’ll practically give it away because I just want the stuff to disappear as quickly as possible.
As the morning wears on, I’ll be frustrated by the “drive-bys” who don’t even get out to see what you really have for sale. When the crowd thins out, I’ll latch onto anyone that comes.
Do you need any cookbooks with recipes I thought I might make but knew deep in my heart that I never would?
Do you need some Tupperware? EVERYONE needs Tupperware!
How about the leftover parts of furniture from when we converted my son’s crib to a real bed?
(seriously – what is anyone supposed to do with that?)
Would you like some framed art that has faded so much from the sun it looks like it’s vintage?
On one Saturday a year, I become the best salesperson out there. I ask what it will take to put you in those fine leather shoes. I’ll tell the tagalong husband that he really should buy that for his wife. I’ll convince the parents to let their child have any toy for just a quarter.
After a while, they see the pleading my eyes. They know I’m desperate. No reasonable offer refused. No unreasonable offer refused either.
By 1pm on Saturday, it will all be over. More importantly, none of it is coming back in my house.