Remember all the unwanted attention you got when you were younger, perhaps curvier? Remember how much you wished people would just stop with the attention and even compliments?
Yeah, I don’t remember it either.
In fact, I’ve always been short of attention when it comes to the opposite sex. I’ve never felt satisfied with my 5’3″ (on a good day) stature, my brown hair, and brown eyes. Let’s face it. That’s generally not the stuff dreams are made of. When I was younger, I dreamed of attending the Barbizon Modeling School (Be a Model or just look like one!) and for fun, I’d call their 800 number from my friend’s house and tell them my name was Molly (I didn’t appreciate my name either). Molly was 5’7″, had long blond hair, and green eyes. Now that was someone that was model material!
And I know this sounds simply like I had a bad case of low self-esteem. I’ll readily admit to that. I had no boyfriend in high school. No date to the prom. And I even had classmates asking me if I was a lesbian (as if that was a crime) because I never dated anyone. I’d smile painfully as if it didn’t bother me and simply respond saying, “Nope. Just nobody ever asks me out on a date.”
But even the media way back then acknowledged that women that didn’t meet a certain standard were less than beautiful.
When the notion of colored contact lenses was introduced, DuraSoft had a commercial with a voiceover talking about a woman’s lips as red as apples, hair as golden as the sun, and eyes as brown as BARK. In case you can’t tell, there was a negative emphasis on that word bark. Obviously, to be beautiful, we needed to change our eye color too. And don’t think I didn’t want to.
Every woman has a unique experience growing up, much of it, I would guess, influenced by their parents and their adolescent experiences. For me, I focused on being smart, not beautiful, because I felt that was something that was more within my control. But I always wished that I was the one turning away the boys lined up at my door.
Be careful what you wish for, I guess. No one really likes unwanted attention but at what point does it become harassment?
Let’s look at one woman’s experience over 10 hours in New York City. If you’ve seen it already, feel free to skip ahead. But if you haven’t, it’s an “undercover” video showing a day in the life of a woman walking through the streets of NYC and what she has to face under the guise of street harassment. In fact, the video is meant to raise awareness about this issue for a nonprofit organization. And at 15,249,371 views (as of this morning), I’d say mission accomplished.
Would I get creeped out at the man walking casually and silently beside me for 5 minutes? You bet. Would I want someone commenting on the label on my ass? Not really. But what I saw were greetings and salutations, in most cases to attract her attention to most likely buy something. They do this in the markets of China, the Bahamas, Mexico, really any place someone is pushing their wares. And what should they have said instead? HEY LADY? I’m more inclined to stop if someone calls me beautiful.
So next time you happen to see me walking down the streets of NYC, feel free to say “Hello Beautiful” or “Have a good evening, Darling” because more than likely, it will make me smile just a little bit as I keep walking on.
7 comments
Dudes are wired up to hit on broads. It’s our DNA. My suggestion to women is that if you learn to not get offended at looks, whistles, and come-ons, your life will be a lot less stressful. It’s going to happen anyway. The happiest women I know just laugh it off, because it’s just guys being guys. Harassment and abuse is obviously a different thing, but good old natured ogling is just how we do. 🙂 Great post!
See? You get it. Men are pigs. And if we just accept that, life will be easier.
Of course, I’m joking. Only some men are pigs. I just wish someone would yell nice things at me once in a while.
[Yelling voice] You look really sexy! [/Yelling voice]
(Will that do?)
Oh maaaaan, I disagree on this. If I am walking down the street, I am trying to get from point A to point B, and I do not give one flying crap if some random dude finds me attractive or not. Case in point: a few weeks ago, I was out running, and some guy in a truck driving by leaned out of his window and whistled at me. Which seems harmless, but it threw me off of my rhythm and made me self-conscious, and it pissed me off. The reason I love running is because I love getting into that little zoned-out headspace where I’m not thinking about anything (do you know how hard it is to turn my brain off sometimes?), and he ruined that for me. If some guy thinks I’m attractive? Fine. But he can keep it to himself. I don’t care.
Also, suggested viewing:
http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/5ndnit/jessica-s-feminized-atmosphere?xrs=playershare_fbshare
That clip was funny and OMG, some of THAT stuff was certainly harassment. I guess my point is that her video above made me say, really? That’s what you consider harassment?
People can be jerks. I just don’t know if we need a movement or a nonprofit to stop them.
Yes i to do dont gj e a dam
I am with CindyW – drives me nuts when guys try to get you to stop & engage in conversation when you are clearly walking at a pace that says “I’m headed somewhere.”
It happens all the time up here & when there are groups of men it’s very unsettling when they follow you to keep talking or appear hostile when you are in their opinion “too good to speak back to them.”
Social situations are one thing. Skyway & street harrassment needs to stop. Too many attempted robbery & rape situations happen here to make conferentations like that acceptable.