This is my fourth summer as a mom. My fourth summer as a mom at the pool. And every year, I am no less surprised than I was the year before. If you ever want a glimpse into someone’s parenting style, watch them at the pool. Does that sound judgmental? Well, it is. I judge.
I’ll admit that there are plenty of times I probably judged a little too quickly. I can remember when my son was a wee little babe. This was back when I and my new mom friends would meet at the mall to hang out because we just didn’t know what to do with ourselves. I specifically remember sitting at the mall food court and scoffing at the mother feeding her two youngsters a Happy Meal of Chicken McNuggets and french fries. “I’ll never feed that junk to my son,” I thought. I think I even said it out loud.
I’m better about judging now. I watch. I observe. I look at the children’s behavior. I look at the parent’s behavior. I look at their interactions. I’m less than impressed with what I see.
We all have bad days as parents. Those days where we hear “Mommy, mommy, mommy, look, mommy. Mommy, look.” And we glance up and say “uh-huh, that’s great” and continue on reading a magazine. I just want a moment to read one article. That’s not what I’m talking about.
Let me give you a few examples that I’ve seen over the years.
- The new mother sunning herself by the pool while holding her newborn wearing only a diaper on her chest. People don’t seem to get the whole babies-can’t-regulate-their-body-temperature thing.
- The ultra-tan mom who lays for hours on end in her pink bikini while drinking beer after beer with her boyfriend. Meanwhile, her young daughter, while admittedly annoying, gets into everyone’s personal space in the pool because she is so starved for attention.
- The mom who brings her lonely son to the pool who quietly plays by himself because his mother sits in a chair texting the entire time. Oh wait. She stopped once to get him a candy bar and diet soda from the vending machine.
Today, however, was a bit more shocking. We were at the pool with my 3 year old son and our neighbors, who have a 7 year old autistic son. I only mention that he is autistic because I am well aware that kids come in all different shapes, sizes, and with different backgrounds. A child’s behavior can’t always be judged appropriately. A parent’s behavior can.
While we were swimming in the large shallow end of the pool, a young boy, maybe around 5 or 6 years old, kept invading our personal space – a sure cry for attention. He was latching on to my husband. He was taking toys and floats that didn’t belong to him. He even rummaged through my neighbor’s beach bag removing a shovel and bucket and refusing to return it. A young girl stepped in and helped. I still didn’t know who he belonged to.
I was taking advantage of the 3 other adults in my party and spending a quiet moment at our table. Enter the child. This little boy comes to the table, looks at me, grabs a snorkel off of our table, and starts to walk away. I simply say “Excuse me” and he quickens his pace away from me. Then I see him drop into the pool.
He dropped into the middle section of the pool which is the largest section and averages 4 1/2 feet deep. I think to myself first, “I’m going to have to chase that little brat into the pool.” Then I think, “oh, I guess this kid can swim.” Then I realize, “oh, this kid CAN’T swim.”
He drops the snorkel to the bottom of the pool. His head bobs near the surfaces. He gasps for air as I yell, “can you swim?” It takes me about 3 seconds to realize that he can’t and I reach in for his hand. He grabs on to me and I lift him out of the pool. He is crying and choking and I ask him where his mommy and daddy are. I ask him again. And then his dad who is apparently standing 5 feet away from me turns around and sees what is going on. He asks, “did he jump in the pool?”
I calmly reply, “Your son stole my snorkel and then ran and jumped into the pool. At first, I thought he could swim but now I know that he can’t.” He says “oh, sorry” and walks away. His mother quickly joins him and starts yelling at the boy for jumping into the pool when he wasn’t supposed to.
I know I don’t need to spell out what I’m thinking at this point. Because I know all of you are already feeling what I was feeling. But I’ll say it anyway.
Why haven’t you been watching your child?
Why has he been clinging to everyone here at the pool?
Why is your son stealing everyone’s things?
Why did he steal my snorkel?
Why did he run away from me? (not a normal child response, if you ask me)
Why did he jump into the pool in an area that he knew was over his head?
Why didn’t you notice your son doing all of this when you were only 8 feet away?
When I pulled him out of the water, how could your ears not be tuned to the sound of his voice in distress?
Why did you not thank me for pulling him out of the water?
I wasn’t trying to be a hero. I was just trying to get my snorkel back. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. With a son of my own, I know that, as a parent, I have some acts of stupidity ahead of me. I know my back might be turned at the wrong time. I just hope that someone is paying attention. And then I will be sure to thank them profusely.
17 comments
WOW! That's all I can muster.
I'd LOVE to be at the pool, reading a book while my angels play quietly, but that's just not going to happen in my world.
That is awful! Pools absolutely scare me. If you're not going to keep a close eye on your children around a pool when they can't swim, then you probably don't watch them anywhere (and you're probably a bad parent).
That's just me being judgy 😉
Wow! What is wrong with some parents? Another great place to observe parents is at the play area at the mall. I've come across many young kids in there whose parents don't pay any attention. I have watched kids leave the area and the parent don't notice. At least there they aren't in danger of drowning!!
Btw I love you blog Fadra! I think you are doing a great job!
Wow. You have an eventful pool. Thank goodness you were there, and that you care about your snorkels.
Poor little boy. Makes me so sad. 🙁
Thanks, Robin. It means a lot that you stop by to read!
You're right. Even when I take a moment, I'm like a sleeping cat. My ears are always tuned in to what's going on around me.
My mom always told me that I shouldn't judge people by the choices they make. Hello? What else am I supposed to judge you on? I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt but no so much when it comes to kids.
No kidding. If he had stolen my partially deflated beach ball, things could have turned out much worse for him.
I am in shock.
They didn't even thank you? Where the heck were they? It's one thing to have your back turned at the wrong time, but another to have your back turned ALL the time.
Some people should not procreate.
This makes me SO dang angry! I mean, really. You think they would have freaked out JUST a TAD that their kid almost drowned.
I'm sure it was frustrating, but I'd like to offer that it's not always the parents. Some kids are very defiant. Parents can go to therapy, read books, consult with teachers, etc. and still the kid can be this way. They may not act grateful because they're embarrassed and this scenario may have played out a million times for them. It can be exhausting.
At the first sign of a problem kid invading your space, try and find the parents (or a lifeguard/manager/etc. depending on the spot). The kid won't suddenly start behaving. It won't get better. The parents may be defensive, but that's better than a tragedy or even a spoiled afternoon.
Sean relayed this story to me Monday evening…your version is way more better!
You are right about it not always being the parents. I know from reading and personal experience that some kids are a lot to handle, for whatever reason. I sensed that this kid in particular was one to keep my eye. I'm glad I did. It was kind of bizarre though. Later that evening, we were out for a walk and passed the same family. We got a casual smile and a question about our dog and then they continued on as if they had never seen us before. Oh well. At least it had a happy ending.
Hey Meech – thanks for taking a read. I appreciate you stopping by! Yeah. Some parents, huh? 'Course we're perfect 🙂
[…] around this time last year, I wrote a post called Parenting by the Poolside. Even though my readership was relatively small, it touched a nerve in a quite a few people. I […]
I love that you said, “A child’s behavior can’t always be judged appropriately. A parent’s behavior can.”
The pool is not a relaxing place for parents of small children. If you want to relax, hire a babysitter and go to the pool with your friends (or take turns being on “kid patrol”). Parents who don’t seem to understand this drive me crazy!