If you ever wonder how much I filter what I write on my blog, I have to tell you: not very much. But I do try to keep the stories I tell to be my stories and the way I experience life. So I kept that in my head as I wrote.
This isn’t a story about loss. It’s my thoughts on how the world reacts when one of us stops to get off.
Thanks to those of you that have been reading over the past few weeks while I have endured a few losses. Grief is a very personal emotion and one of the few that I don’t care to share too much. However, your comments and words and just knowing that you read have helped in more ways than you know.
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Went to a funeral today. Although I guess it wasn’t called a funeral. It was a memorial service, or a celebration of life. It was sad. I cried. A lot.
My neighbor died suddenly last week. I was okay with it. I knew him and liked him. I liked his family. But for some reason, I didn’t feel a lot of emotion. I wondered why I didn’t. I thought maybe something in me had lost that caring, sympathetic, empathetic feeling.
Then I was asked to make dinner for the grieving family one night. I took it down there. I met his father and hugged him right away. I hugged his wife. And all of the sudden it felt real. I could feel the gravity of the situation. I could feel the pain that had been welling up inside.
I went to the memorial service today not knowing what to expect. I know his wife wanted to keep it upbeat. She held up incredibly well as his father, brothers, brothers-in-law, his daughter, and even his boss spoke. HIS BOSS SPOKE.
And of course, my mind went where it always does. Back to me.
Who would speak at my funeral? What would they say? Would I have a boss who would want to talk about me? Would it be friends or just family? Would it be well-attended? Would people laugh at memories or simply cry? And how would I be remembered?
As I listened to the stories, I got a sense of the man I didn’t really know. He was a good neighbor. A nice man. But I wondered if he really knew how loved, admired, and respected he was. If people really saw and admired his heart. And then I wondered if any of us will ever really know.
The best things seem to be said about us after we are gone. And I got to thinking today. Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Maybe we’re not supposed to know. Maybe each person lives their life never really truly knowing the impact they leave on others.
29 comments
When I die, I totally don’t want a funeral/memorial sevice/anything. I’ve always hated even the best ones and I have absolutely no interest in it. You can put a “the bitch keeled over” post on my blog and call it a day for all I care. Funerals=bleck.
You sound like my mother-in-law. She wants to keep everyone’s nose out of her business, even after she’s gone. I have told her bluntly, too bad. You’ll be dead. There’s nothing you can do to stop me.
I have always wondered this same thing…who would stand up and speak for me, etc. I actually like the thought of us going through life and living it well and not knowing how we are perceived…
I have sort of that fear that no one would come. Everyone would be too busy that day. And then I wonder why I would really care. I guess it’s hoping you made an impact on people.
I was at a funeral last week and wondered the same thing. Although the funeral I was at was too churchy for me. Im not a fan of the churchy ones.
This service I went to was a memorial service at a church but they weren’t churchy people so it felt just right to me.
Definitely a good question. I don’t know if we’re supposed to know. It’s kind of like the end of a movie. It leaves at a certain spot and you wonder what happened next. But unless it was a sequel, we aren’t supposed to know. It’s just up to our imaginations.
I’m sure he knew he was loved. HOW loved? Maybe not.
Definitely a good question. I don’t know if we’re supposed to know. It’s kind of like the end of a movie. It leaves at a certain spot and you wonder what happened next. But unless it was a sequel, we aren’t supposed to know. It’s just up to our imaginations.
I’m sure he knew he was loved. HOW loved? Maybe not.
When people speak so highly of you, I’m sure you know. I think he was just very humble.
I think it’s serene not knowing. Maybe people would quit reaching for their best if they knew? Sorry for the loss.
You’re right. It made me think of the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.” How George Bailey never really knew the impact he had. It turns out the smallest things he did had the biggest impact on others.
That’s an interesting thought…maybe we aren’t supposed to know the good things until we’re gone. Hmmm…I wonder if that could be a way that we are kept humble. Dang, girl, you got me thinking all deep!
GO DEEP!!! Humility is a good quality 😉
“Maybe each person lives their life never really truly knowing the impact they leave on others.”…I don’t know I think there’s something wonderful in knowing. I have a friend whose husband died of cancer, and he threw himself a living memorial service. Everyone had a chance to say goodbye and tell him what he meant to them. Sounds kinda nice.
What I hope, is that if we don’t know our impact while here… that we get to learn about our impact on the other side… good or bad. I think I’d want to know.
Did you ever see the movie “Defending Your Life”? It’s like we get to watch a movie of our lives. I hope that’s true.
I think that’s a wonderful thing and more importantly, he got to tell the people HE loved how much they meant to him.
Wow – there have been a lot of funerals this week throughout the blogosphere. I would hope that there would be people at my funeral who speak well of me – people who I have helped in some way. I am just longing to hear the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
drat – I should have used that sentence in my post!
Really, though, the funerals are meant for those that are left behind. Not the ones that have departed. I hope they’re on the other side having an awesome time.
When we celebrated my Grandma’s life, it was upbeat, and lovely. That’s the kind I want.
I’ve heard of people writing their own eulogy… listing what they would WANT people to say. Then they use it as a life map… to stay the course in their life. I think it’s a good idea.
That is such an awesome thing to say. I think I’m going to quote you on my FB page. Wise woman 🙂
I would hope that I would know how much people care before I’m gone. I know that not EVERYONE would say something, but I would hope that I would understand that I’ve made a difference somehow before that. Although, with that being said – with two unexpected deaths impacting the lives of people around here in the last two weeks, I think you are definitely on to something when it comes to the unexpectedness – or lives cut short.
I think we generally know how we’re perceived by others, to a degree. And our understanding becomes more accurate as we mature. But sometimes hearing someone say it really makes you feel like you’re on the right track.
Also, I linked myself wrong. Can you fix? 🙂
I do not like funerals/memorial services… mostly because of the number of them that I’ve attended, and that have broken a piece of my heart in one way or another… I’ve lost so many family tragically young, and I’m certainly praying that I’ll have a nice, LONG while before I have to attend any more… this is unrealistic, I know.
I read through the comments before posting my own, and I think I’m in agreement with those who said that maybe you’re NOT supposed to know just how much impact you have on others while you’re alive, but really – I do hope that I’m having a positive (if small) impact on most of the people I meet…
sorry again for your loss Fadra. *HUGS*
First of all, I have to second Lerner’s comment. I have asked their be no service. That request was denied. “The service is for the living, not the dead. We need closure.”
Mostly, I think they’ll throw a party and sing “Hallelujah.” As much as I would like to know what they would say, KNOWING would hurt me worse than not.
I don’t know… I’m sure there are some people who would say that I’ve impacted their life in a positive way and I’m sure that there are other people who would say I’ve pissed them off and they don’t care that I’m gone. Either way I’m living my life the best way I know how.
I have always wondered who would come to a service for me, too and Lordy, what would they say?? 🙂
All I know is please don’t let someone speak that doesn’t know me. That is what bothers me the MOST about some funerals, you can tell that the minister/whoever never knew the deceased. It’s totally uncomfortable.
It has been my experience that in some ways, some of the most magnificent people that are most highly thought of simply do not care to take the time to wonder about themselves or stop to realize how much they are/are not regarded because they are simply so busy trying to better the world by thinking of others.
My mother-in-law is a fine example of this. Her memorial service was jam packed and ASTONISHING….but she was so completely self-less.
Her son (my husband) is much like that and still challenges me on that level daily.
Continued prayers for peace and healing for you and your grieving neighbors.