I make a lot of parenting decisions based on instinct and not necessarily from parenting books, parenting experts, or even friends and family. Every child is unique. Every family is unique. And every family situation is unique, especially as it relates to alcohol.
In my household growing up, you couldn’t find any alcohol in the house, not that I ever really looked for it. My mother grew up in a home that was plagued by alcoholism and I’m sure that contributed to the fact that not only did she not drink, but she didn’t want any of it in the house.
I’m sure there was a small bottle of scotch tucked away that had been given as a gift but I’m also sure that bottled gathered a tremendous amount of dust before finally being tossed. And I do remember my dad having a few cans of beer at the house from time to time. In fact, I can remember one afternoon when my dad was out with the neighbors having a beer, I asked him if I could have a sip. I have no clue how old I was but I’d estimate that it was right around 7 years old, the same age as my son.
The only thing I remember from that day is that I actually liked the taste of beer. Actually, I still like the taste of beer. And wine. And fancy fruity cocktails. And a very dirty martini.
My household is very different from the one I grew up in. We keep beer and wine in the house and a few bottles of liquor and the quantity certainly increases around the holidays. It’s not unusual for us to have neighbors over for an impromptu get together and it’s nice to be prepared. Or if we’re invited to a holiday party, we always have something we can grab and give.
But even without all the extra holiday festivities, I often stop and ask myself what I would do if my 7 year old asked me for a sip. I always assumed that I’d have a casual attitude about it. After all, don’t the Europeans let the wine and beer flow freely? My husband told me he had his first pint at 7 years old when he was visiting his grandfather in Ireland!
Research, however, shows that that sip your child asks for could have unintended consequences if you give it to them. I was one of those moms that thought withholding it only made it the forbidden fruit. In actuality, the opposite is true.
Adults who had taken their first drink before the age of 15 were seven times more likely to experience alcohol problems than those who didn’t start drinking before the age of 21.
The other thing that’s different about my household is that we talk openly and honestly about alcohol. What it does to your body, especially a developing body. Why it’s an adult drink. Why it’s best to wait until you’re 21.
Every once in a while, though, my son asks if he can have a sip. It’s not when I’m having a glass of wine with dinner or a beer at a cookout. It’s usually when the drink seems especially appealing, like when we recently traveled to an all-inclusive resort in Turks & Caicos. The drinks were free flowing and actually quite beautiful. Of course that appeals to a kid!
That leads me to my advice on what to do when your kid asks for a sip. Keep them from your drink but make them their own.
If you’re drinking champagne out of a flute, pour him some sparkling apple juice in the same type of glass.
Celebrating with a nice bottle of red wine? Give him a wine glass with grape juice in it.
Having a fruit drink at a restaurant? Splurge and let him get a special drink too (my kid loves a good Shirley Temple).
Often times, I find that it’s not the appeal of actually having alcohol, but being able to take part in the ritual of drinking something festive. This year, as you gear up for some spiked eggnogg, an Irish coffee, or a New Year’s toast with champagne, remember to make a special drink for your kids to make them feel like they’re celebrating too.
As a member of the #TalkEarly parent blogger team, this post is part of a campaign sponsored by Responsibility.org. All opinions are my own.
13 comments
I agree with just about everything you’re saying (New Year’s Eve for me was ALL about apple juice in a champagne flute!), but I’m curious about that study – specifically what they controlled for. For example, were kids who had their first drink before fifteen more likely to be from families where everybody was drinking a lot all the time? I was from a family with no history of alcohol abuse, and I basically never saw my parents drink. I’m sure that that helped inform my attitudes about drinking just as much as having my first taste of beer at seven.
Totally a fair question. I haven’t read the complete study but it’s from the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs. My information was extracted from Responsibility.org who talk about the study on their site. I think the important thing is that the study shows a trend, a correlation, not necessarily a cause and effect which is enough for me to serve as a bit of a warning.
Thanks, I’ll check it out!
I wonder if that study takes into account that many Catholics have their first sip at 7 or 8 years old or is our Communal wine somehow exempt? I do let the kids use fancy glassware on fancy occasions with sparkling grape juice. We talk about why adults drink and what is responsible and what is not. Generally though they aren’t very interested in anything but the fanciness and the glassware satisfies that.
I haven’t read the full study, only the highlights, but I suspect that it’s about parents allowing a sip of alcohol at home. I think context problem plays a big role. At church it’s symbolic so I’m not sure it would count the same. But good question! And yes, fancy glassware and fruit garnishes go a long way with kids!!
This is really interesting and I am curious as to how many friends of my kids have already had their first sip. I don’t think mine have. They have smelled it and think it’s gross but honestly – I can’t remember if I actually let them try it! I’m thinking no.
Now that you mention it, I’m not sure I’ve asked any of my friends about their kids. Might be a good question to put on Facebook. My friends, however, are more inclined to talk about when THEY had that first sip which seems to be as a child, e.g. “I had pink champagne at my cousin’s wedding.” Again, I’m wondering how much context plays into it.
I’m pretty sure my son (almost 6) has already had a sip but it was so non-chalant, I don’t even remember it. He knows beer and wine are for mommies and daddies only. He did smell some whiskey once and that was hysterical – he was totally disgusted. I know I tried my dad’s beer at a young age. But I’m not a big drinker. I’d be interested in reading the whole study (I saw your link below) and see what the relationship with alcohol that each family had and whether that plays are larger factor.
I’d love to hear more about the study as well. Right now, I’m looking at it as more of a correlation than a cause/effect. In either case, something for parents to be aware of.
I, too, find this study interesting and am curious about the many questions behind it. Heather has an excellent point about religious practices. I know one of my children has had one sip outside Passover seder, and I’m okay with that. I’d rather be open and direct about alcohol than secretive. Now, if my child asked for a lot of sips, it would be very different.
I agree with being open and direct, whether you allow sips or not. The Talk Early program is all about being open and honest and making sure your kids understand the implications of drinking alcohol.
My parents were not drinkers … the legal age in South Africa was 18 … not forbidden, not a party thing… and I just never drank. I didn’t even know what a keg was until I moved to the States, and started drinking wine at 33. fruity drinks are my fav.
BUT, I have had sangria with my almost 17 yr old while doing a big project .. only a couple of times, my twelve yr old has asked for a sip of wine., and been granted. We talk A LOT. They love virgin drinks when we travel, they know in the future that they always need to be control of their decision making skills … who knows where it will lead. But I hope I have taught them well xxx
I got a late start to drinking myself but still under the age of 21 (I went to college when I was 17). In fact, we got such a thrill when we would drive to Canada and buy beer because the legal age was 18. For now, my son is totally fine with the fancy glasses. We’ll continue to make decisions that are age appropriate and kid appropriate. And I’m quite sure you taught your girls well 🙂