Kids Say the Darnedest Things

I am not, repeat, NOT a mommy blogger. But I do like to blog and I am a mommy. So here we are.

My little guy is such a HUGE part of my world that it’s amazing I haven’t posted about him before. Well, I guess if you read between the lines with that last post about opening a macaroni and cheese box, you might have guessed there was a child involved.

Now I know that every mother is just so proud and “my little Jimmy is just so smart.” So I won’t bore you with my bragging, because my guy IS so smart (see his nerd shot wearing my glasses). But one thing that is an absolute fact is that he is a very verbal child.

From the moment he learned to form words with his mouth, he hasn’t shut it. He talks, he sings, he babbles, he yells. He is a storyteller, an exaggerator, an actor and funnyman. He is dramatic, moody, and, dare I say, manipulative.

His words can melt your heart especially when he insists on holding my hand so I won’t be afraid of spiders. Or rubbing my head after I’ve stubbed my toe again saying “it’s okay, Mommy, it’s okay.”

And his words can drive you absolutely batty. But one thing that can’t be denied is watching your little one master the art of language, including all the idioms and expressions, is just downright hilarious.

I’ve tried to capture and remember just some of the best that I’ve heard lately.

As I was getting him dressed after bathtime, he said “Mommy, be careful of my drumstick.” I’m thinking, hmmmm, is that new terminology that my husband uses for his….you know?

I ask him where his drumstick is and he points to his ears. Oh! I have to be careful with the Q-tip so I don’t hurt his eardrum. I still like calling it a drumstick.

He’s also reached the brilliant age of reading numbers. Now the speed limit sign takes on a whole new meaning.

Because he learned 45 MPH first, he thinks that all speed limits are 45 (yes, he says forty-five). I try to explain that we can drive faster on the highway because the speed limit is 65 MPH.

As we were driving through a residential area, he spotted yet another speed limit sign and announced “Mommy, the speed limit is two-ty five (25).” Afterwards, I thought, yeah it should be called two-ty. Who ever came up with twenty? See, he’s smarter than those English language inventors. Thank goodness he doesn’t know how to read my speedometer.

He is also very interested in his body and how things work inside. He was a great comfort when I got my flu shot. Held my hand, kissed my boo-boo. But I guess the concept of thinking about, let alone understanding, all of the stuff going on in our bodies can be overwhelming.

Take the example of a simple itch. What causes it? We can’t see it.  So the logical question for my son, and it’s a good one, is “there’s an itch and I can’t get it off. Can this not come off?” No, son. But maybe you can grow up and invent a way to remove an itch. That would be awesome.

And what list of the cutest little sayings would be complete without at least one embarrassing statement.

As we walk through stores and malls now, he is much more interested in the people around him. In fact, he comments on every biker that rides past our house about whether or not they are wearing their helmet. I may have future law enforcement on my hands here.

But what came out of the blue a few weeks ago at Macy’s was a comment he made when a patron of the store walked by. It was an older African-American woman. Now thank goodness he has never really picked up on skin color differences but he did notice her hair was different. She was mostly gray with a very natural looking afro. I knew this because I looked right at her after he said “Mommy, look at that lady with the crazy hat.” If she heard, and I don’t think she did, she just kept on walking. Good choice.

Believe it or not, I look forward to many more confusing phrases and expressions and even embarrassing comments. It really gives me perspective as to how a preschooler views the world. Now excuse me, while I go take care of his request for a “valentine halloween thanksgiving thing for Daddy.”