All I Want For Christmas

My husband has been bugging me for weeks to provide him a Christmas list. I’ve never been a big fan of lists. It feels so…. so…  contrived. It feels like I’m saying “Hi. Here is everything I want you to buy me so go and buy it for me.” Which I guess is exactly what a Christmas list is.

I have this fantasy in my head that whoever decides to buy me a Christmas present (and I don’t discriminate when it comes to accepting gifts, if you had some crazy thought in your head), will somehow innately know who I am. They will go to some unique little shop, look at something really cool and/or quirky and say “I bet Fadra would really like this.”

Cool. And quirky. That pretty much sums up my taste.

But if any of you out there were thinking of doing a little extra shopping, I thought I’d give you a list to get you started. And yes, I will absolutely be sending this post to my husband.

When I think of my Christmas list, I can’t help but think of Steve Martin’s Christmas Wish. So with a nod to the greatest jerk of all time, I’ll start my list the way Steve would have.

All I want for Christmas is…

…for all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. And also for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account.

…for snow to fall on Christmas Eve, blanket the land in serenity on Christmas Day, and then completely melt away the day after Christmas (unless your kid got a new sled for Christmas and then it can stay until their winter break is over).

…the new book “Fall of Giants” by Ken Follett because even though I don’t have the time or attention span to read anything longer than 140 characters, I do actually want a very long and historical fictional novel.

…a live-in masseuse who is on-call 24 hours a day; ready, willing, and available to rub my neck and shoulders and especially my aching and somewhat smelly feet after a long day of shopping.

…an RV. No, that’s not some new tech slang. That stands for recreational vehicle. I want one. A big luxurious one with an expandable living room, high speed internet, flat screen TV, and the like. And then I want the time and freedom to get in said RV with my family (pets included) and drive across the country stopping wherever the road may take us.

…a Smart car. Because have you see how much gas those RVs eat up? We’ll need a portable vehicle to shuttle us around whatever town we are gracing.

…Origins Ginger Souffle Whipped body cream (even though I’ve had a troubled past with Origins, I’m in love with them again). And get your mind out of the gutter. It’s moisturizer, people. And it smells awesome.

…a hair stylist at my home. I don’t know why but I just hate to do anything with my hair. I think it’s because for me, it’s like baking cookies. It nevers turns out the same way twice. And if it’s not going my way, the whole world better watch out. Unless I just pull it back in a ponytail.

…another book. Because one book collecting dust isn’t enough for me. I also want “Eats, Shoots & Leaves” by Lynne Truss. How could I not? The book is subtitled: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation.

…a personal handler. I know it’s starting to sound like I’m lazy. Well, because, I sort of am. But I realize my house would be a whole lot cleaner if I had someone that followed me around and simply put away the things I was using. Empty tea mug? Down to the kitchen. Towels after a bath? Hung back on the bar. Getting out of bed? Go ahead and make it. Discarded clothes that I tried on and thought they made me look fat? Hung back up. Or discarded.

…jewelry. Yes, that one is open-ended. Diamonds are lovely. I won’t lie. Funky and chunky but classy, like David Yurman or Pandora. Or take a trip to Ten Thousand Villages and buy me some handmade, fair trade jewelry. Preferably earrings. (Thanks, honey).

So just to recap, world peace and singing children, then some people to fawn over me, and then some cool stuff.

What’s on your list?

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Still in the holiday spirit? Please join Neil Kramer over at Citizen of the Month for his 5th Annual Blogger Christmalhijrahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert. I may or may not be singing, nor do I make any claims of talent. This post contains affiliate links.