Grammar Gone Wild

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Has anyone seen my high horse? Because I’m about to get up on it. I’m about to talk about the sad state of grammar in this country. And I’m going to let you on a few secrets that might help you get on the grammar train again.

I used to be a teacher. Not an English teacher, mind you, but having been a teacher, I can’t escape my desire to correct people. I also have this weird grammar-spelling-funkadelic kind of brain. I don’t look for errors. They find me. I can look at a newspaper, a flashing news title on TV, a billboard while driving 70 mph. Whatever the medium, I see bad grammar and spelling (you were supposed to say that in your best “I see dead people” voice).

It’s a blessing and a curse. It makes writing a little easier for me. But I think I sometimes annoy the crap out of people. Friday was NOT one of those days.
I made a casual comment on Twitter. Can’t even remember what it was and it’s not worth looking up. But it was some harmless comment about my grammar annoyances.

WELL…

Did I ever touch a nerve! Apparently there are many of use grammar nerds out there and suddenly my Twitter stream was overflowing with “Ugh, I hate it when people use this…” or “I never can get this right…” and “Don’t forget these two…”

So without further adieu, I’m going to recount some of the most common grammar mistakes I see and, for the love of all that’s holy, please pay attention this time. Or I will smack your knuckles with a ruler.

——————–

LOOSE is not the same as LOSE.

Lose not loose

If you LOSE weight, your clothes might become LOOSE. That is, if you’re not a LOSER.

I suspect people pronouce this wrong in their head so remember this:

LOOSE rhymes with NOOSE

LOSE rhymes with CHOOSE.
(P.S. If you are a non-native English speaker, I feel sorry for you. I think someone was drunk when they made up the rules)

——————–

YOUR is not the same as YOU’RE

Smile Your On Camera
Photo credit: Julep67

If YOU’RE not careful, I’m going to steal YOUR iPhone4.

YOU’RE is a contraction for YOU ARE. If you can’t replace that word with those two, you’re using it wrong.

YOUR is possessive. Only use it when you are talking about YOUR belongings, thoughts, ideas.

——————–

EFFECT is not the same as AFFECT

cute puppy
I couldn’t find a good photo for effect vs. affect so I thought I’d show you a really cute puppy. Photo credit: robert terrell

The EFFECT of alcohol AFFECTS everyone differently. My cousin Joe eats pigs knuckles, for example.

EFFECT is a noun. Something has an EFFECT.

AFFECT is a verb. Something AFFECTS you.

——————–

THEY’RE is not the same as THEIR or THERE

Their not there
Photo credit: hugovk

THEY’RE going to the movies with THEIR ferret and will buy Cracker Jack when they get THERE.

THEY’RE is a contraction for THEY ARE. ‘Nuff said.

THEIR is possessive. This belongs to them.

THERE refers to a place or position. Or can make you feel better “There, there, dear, not everyone can wear fuschia and look good”

——————–

Now I’m going to totally blow your mind. This one makes perfect sense and no sense at the same time (non-native English speakers, move along. No one will expect you to get this right).

ITS is not the same as IT’S

its not it's
Photocredit: tdstone

IT’S a shame that the oil company hasn’t cleaned up ITS mess.

IT’S is another contraction which stands for IT IS.

ITS is the possessive meaning something belongs to IT. This is tough because if something belonged to Rudy, it would be Rudy’s. If it belonged to Rapunzel, it would be Rapunzel’s. But if it belongs to IT, it would be ITS.

——————–

Yeah, I think I’m done for today. If you have read to this point, congratulations. You are quite possibly a grammar nerd like me. If you haven’t read to this point, then you must be a LOSER (not LOOSER) and I can call you that because you’re not reading anyway.

Are your eyeballs still intact and your brain neurons firing? Good. Because I’ve just scratched the surface of this stuff. I had enough responses on Twitter to keep me going for weeks. I’ll see how long I feel like torturing you.

(Final note: If any of the above photos made you cringe in the slightest, you’re one of us)

35 thoughts on “Grammar Gone Wild”

  1. I'm one of use! No doubt you got a ton of tweets about grammar errors and now with text speak it is even worse. When I am on Facebook and see status messages all done in text speak I cringe and want to knock some heads together. It especially irks me when the words they are shortening aren't any shorter than the original words. Example? Good. Text speak: guud. I kid you not.

    For the record now anytime I leave a comment I will wonder if my grammar is correct…

    Reply
  2. I probably could've given you a screen shot of multiple posts where i mess up affect and effect. but the rest of the grammar errors make me cringe. in conclusion, all grammar errors are awful except mine.

    Reply
  3. Oooohhhh, this post has bonded up together forever!

    All those typos and bad grammar mishaps jump out at me too- EVERYWHERE. I just can't help it. Perhaps it's because I edit stuff a good portion of the day.

    No… it's because it's naturally ingrained in every fiber of my being!

    A couple of my friends from my old job and I call ourselves GBs (grammar b$%&@es).

    One of the worst offenders are the magical possessives on things that aren't possessive. Like I sign I saw once that said “NEW CONDO'S!” ((shudder))

    Reply
  4. Well, congratulations on finding my typo. I *meant* to put that in there. It was my test to see if you would read to the end. AND if you could catch. Well done, my friend, well done.

    Reply
  5. Oh I love this post! (I actually did a similar one a couple weeks ago.) Grammar mistakes drive me crazy! I just don't understand why it's so hard.

    Reply
  6. I'm not only a former teacher, I'm a former English teacher. My spelling-grammar check does not turn off — and it's exhausting. I feel your high horse pain.

    Reply
  7. Come back and post the link! As someone told me a few days ago, the world could certainly use another grammar lesson.

    Reply
  8. I always thought that if all the spellcheck technology in the world broke, I could step in and make a fortune. I still have an idea along these lines. We should chat…

    Oh and the possessives? I didn't forget about them. That's a post unto itself.

    Reply
  9. I will warn you that once you profess yourself to be a grammar expert, even moderately so, you are now on display for the world to ridicule. It's happened already. So now it's your turn.

    Reply
  10. Well? Have their been any changes? Perhaps you should suggest a change in their use of run on sentences. Sigh. Another day, another post.

    Reply
  11. Nice post, though I'm not sure which country you meant to impugn– there seem to be representatives from at least three in the photos. And I believe I see two unintentional typos in your post — sorry, I can't help myself! I am SO one of use.

    Reply
  12. I will actually delete a tweet and redo it if I notice an error. Sorry for those of you who use tweetdeck. Probably looks like I am just spamming! And then of course there are the times when hubby reads my blog and gets out the virtual red pen. Ahh well.

    Reply
  13. Love this post! So many people do not take grammar and spelling seriously anymore and it drives the English major in me insane!

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  14. It also goes beyond grammar. The kids in my school think that they live in the state of “Jersey City State College!” They also believe that Puerto Rico is a state but cant locate Alaska on a map!

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  15. Using the iPhone is the worst. The keys are so small that I frequently misstype LOVE as LIVE and LIKE as LUKE. Kind of changes the whole meaning of my tweet 🙂

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  16. I promise you, I am impugning all English-speaking countries equally. I dare not take on the Queen's English vs. American English. I'm simply locating grammatical English errors. So as not to leave anyone out, I promise to have a Chinese-English version coming soon. And as for my typos? Yes, I, too, fall short of perfection.

    Reply
  17. Puerto Rico is kind of like a state. And Alaska is way up there by Russia. Let's be fair. I guess I could probably do a post on geography, and math, and manners…

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  18. It's so refreshing to know I'm not the only one with these little idiosyncrasies. And to think I was a science major.

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  19. I am an older I.T. guy that has, up to now, never been into the gadgets like the IPhone you talked about on the WRAL website. Now though, maybe I will give it a try… Lord only knows my life could use some simplification. Thanks.

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  20. Keith – I'm so glad you stopped by. I try to cover tech things most Tuesdays from a layman's perspective. You may find that gadgets can be your friend 😉

    Reply
  21. Just visiting today courtesy of Adventeroo's Friday Favorites list and I'm now a fan for life. You had me at Your vs. You're.

    I'm terrified for my children: 1) because the advent of texting, Twitter, etc. has obliterated proper spelling and grammar; and 2) because their mother is a lunatic about this stuff and will drive them crazy by forever driving home the need for proper usage.

    Great post!

    Reply
  22. Oh, you are speaking my love language!! I KNOW I make mistakes sometimes…but grammar mistakes like the ones you mentioned make me cringe.

    Great post! And, now, I'll peek around your blog a bit! 🙂

    Reply
  23. I love posts like this. They make me feel good about myself. I am by no means an expert and I probably couldn't even be a junior-grammar nerd but I guess I know the basics.

    Reply
  24. I know that starting a sentence with ‘And’ is grammatically incorrect
    but, as has been said in other Ezine blogs, it often works if you are
    aiming to make your text chatty or friendly. And I often use it!

    Reply
  25. Hi Fadra,
    Thanks for putting this up. English is not my native language. Choosing to be a writer must be a certain amount of massiochism on my part *lol*. One suggestion I’d make is that if you are unsure about a contraction for example “it’s” write it out, as in “it is”. Would you consider writing a bit about pitfalls such as run on sentences? It would be much appreciated..
    Either way, thank you 🙂

    Reply
    • Thanks for the suggestion. And you’re right about the contraction. I often have to do that when choosing between whose and who’s. Now my wheels are turning thinking about my next grammar post (including using those pesky parentheses and quotation marks!).

      Reply

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