I think free writing is becoming a bit of a routine for me. I think I’m starting to get used to 5 minutes. I’m usually pretty good at making a statement in 5 minutes or less. I realize others often stop almost mid-sentence. What do you think? I’d love to hear if this is helping your writing or unleashing your creative freedom. Or if it’s just fun.
Whatever it is for you, I’m so glad you join me every Sunday.
***
My baby is turning 4 on Monday. Four years since I was a big fat pregnant lady. Sometimes the four years makes me feel so super sentimental. I love to reminsice about the baby days of Evan. And he knows it. He knows when I talk about the baby days I will look at him with the sweetest sugary smile.
It’s kind of funny because the baby days were sooooo much better in retrospect. It’s kind of like my hair. I always think my hair looks bad until I look back at a picture and then think “wow, that actually looked pretty good. why don’t I still have my hair like that?” Even though I totally hated it at the time.
I didn’t hate Evan’s baby days. They were just so gosh darn hard. So bleary-eyed and confusing and scary and joyful and everything else. I couldn’t livei n the monent and appreciate the moment. I can when I look at the pictures though.
Now that he’s older and the focus is off of my sleep, or lack thereof, and my mental state, or lack thereof, I’m able to live more in the moment.
I was talking to a friend who told me going from 3 to 4 is hard. It feels almost like the transition from boyhood to manhood, figuratively speaking. I don’t think I’ll feel wistful because I’ve been enjoying every moment of 2, 3, and soon to be 4 years old. I enjoy seeing him get older and it only makes me happy to think back to what we had. But at the same time, it makes me wonder what is to come. When will I stop being Mommy? When will he not want me or need me (I’m already getting that now). I’m doing my best to keep myself the object of my son’s affection without smothering him. Although sometimes I’d like to smother him, and not in a good way.
Tonight, he seemed like a 13 year old. The kind that you want to ship off the grandma. But tomorrow is another day. His birthday actually.
Happy Birthday to my baby boy!
23 comments
I know that feeling all too well. My four year old turns five in March and not a day goes by where I wish I could just push pause on him growing up. He is still a cute, cuddly little guy, but he is a true boy…not a baby, not a toddler any longer.
Rick – you’re supposed to tell me it gets easier. Or that time freezes. As a wise James Taylor once said, the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.
Wait till he’s 30 🙂 Young mothers have been told since the dawn of time to cherish the childhood yrs as they go past so quickly so I won’t repeat that old chestnut of advice here. I will say that every stage has it’s wonder, enjoy your children be they newborn or aged 40.. they will ALWAYS be your babies
It doesn’t feel like it goes quickly. It’s just that I DO enjoy each stage and I’m always sad to see one of them end. But yes, he will always be my baby. And I tell him that every day 🙂
My son will be seven in a couple of weeks and it totally freaks me out. When I look at that picture of him nursing, five minutes after he was born, that I posted the other night…. oh man. It makes my ovaries ache.
I don’t long for the baby days. But if I could freeze some of my favorite toddler, preschooler days to relive, then I would be happy.
When my daughter was 6 weeks old, my mom came to visit and kept telling me that they grow so fast. I didn’t believe it at the time but now it seems like she grows overnight, getting bigger and doing things today she wasn’t doing the previous day. She will be 2 in a few months and I just can’t believe it. Happy birthday to your sweet baby boy!
Thanks for the birthday wishes. My favorite years so far have been 2 and 3 so you have plenty of good days ahead of you to cherish!
I’m having similar feelings as my oldest approaches 2 1/2! I’ll be a mess by age 4! Thanks to ppd, I didn’t really enjoy those early days and even struggle with pictures at this point. My baby is 8 months and all but crawling… Time is whizzing by!
Happy birthday to your little guy!
I think that’s part of why I don’t miss the early days. They were so stressful to me. Like I said, now I feel more like I can live in the moment and I enjoy them all (mostly).
I haven’t got kids of my own, but my brother does share his… so I do know something about this. As they approach that certain age… where they want to be all independent… there are fewer hugs and spontaneous “I love yous!” But just yesterday I got a text from my 17 yo nephew. It said, simply, “I love you.” So yah… they DO come around.
My goal is simply to make sure that someday I get a text (or holographic message or whatever) from my 17 year old saying I love you.
I just posted my first Stream of Consciousness.
http://motherhoodintheindustry.blogspot.com/2011/01/stream-of-consciousness-sunday-holding.html
Still feeling a bit overwhelmed by the emotion of it all. Such a sweet moment.
I know, I know, I know. But I don’t really know. Things will never be the same and for that, it’s okay to mourn, But you will begin to redefine love with the addition of baby #2.
Oh I know dont they grow so fast! My oldest will be 5 in April and I keep saying FIVE! Where did the time go??? Happy Bday to your little man!
Happy Birthday Evan! I can’t imagine the feelings – except what I’m seeing in my nephew as he grows. It’s crazy to think that he’s already walking around and jabbering away (although we still can’t understand him) but that each day he learns something new. I just think it’s so exciting to see and watch this of someone you love. How precious that you are enjoying every moment of him growing up.
Well… maybe except for the “almost being shipped off to grandma” part. 🙂
It’s amazing to see them grow into little people with personalities. The hard part is that you forget what they were like. And when you look at photos and videos, you remember what you forgot. It’s happy-sad.
Four is a lot like three but with more spunk. So very much spunk.
I think back and realize that Rosco is exactly the same way he was when he was a few weeks old…only more so. I think that continuity keeps me from noticing that he’s going to overtake me in height soon.
If spunk is an indicator, then I think my son turned 4 a few WEEKS ago. I can see it’s going to be a challenging year ahead but he’s totally worth it.
My middle just turned 9 on Friday! Ugh! Time flies. You will love 4!!! In my expert opinion – my youngest is now 4 it is one of the best ages EVER!!
Oh good. I could use a good year. Although we liked 3 for the most part 🙂
I’ve been finding myself reminiscing about my sons baby days a lot lately. I miss the quiet newborn sleeping on my chest. Ahhh….
Your SOC link ups has really inspired me to write more SOC post on a regular on my blog. But I always forget to do them on Sundays.
Here’s a little secret. I leave the linky up until Monday night just in case anyone wants to participate and it just wasn’t in the Sunday cards.