I’m sorry. I have to apologize in advance. This is a heavy one. My mind is all over the place and I still need to write. I still need to share. And even when I can’t disclose specifics, I still need to write. So again, I’m sorry for my inane ramblings but I guess these 5 minutes we spend writing every week are really for us.
Writing has really become my outlet. But there are some things that for me, like with most bloggers, are too personal to share. And what do you do with feelings that you have? Feelings that you want to get out and write about but you can’t?
One big problem with social media is that we share a lot of our lives unfiltered. It’s refreshing. It’s relieving. But it can also be hurtful. I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I feel a sickening knot in my belly. A knot that tells me that my life is not where I want it to be right now.
And why isn’t wine enough? I’m a wine drinker. i love to drink wine. A nice Chardonnay, preferably. But I like wine in the evenings. To relax. To take the edge off. Lately, I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to take the edge off. I want it to remain front and center. I want to see it, feel it, experience it. I don’t want to dull the pain.
(as I sit here drinking my glass of Chardonnay)
I also find that when I do put a filter on my writing, I tend to be at a loss for words. I don’t know how to write about anything else other than that which is present in my mind. I keep living day to day. I’m watching my life happen. I’m watching other lives happen. I’m still waiting for the manual so I know what I’m supposed to be doing. And what I need to know is that even without the specifics, does anyone get this garbled mess of words? Or is it time to commit myself?