I am headstrong and determined and opinionated and outspoken and stubborn. My sister always told me I should have been a lawyer. I am good at arguing. However, that doesn’t mean I enjoy arguing.
In fact, I hate conflict. I hate confrontation. I avoid it whenever I can. I won’t say at all costs, because that’s not true. There are times when confrontation is needed. It’s necessary. Not everyone will agree.
I was at BJs today. Trouble in the warehouse. For those that don’t know, BJs is a warehouse club like Costco or Sams Club. I usually go to BJs because it’s close to home. I stopped to get gas (side note: what is up with gas prices?) and went into the store to get ice. Four bags of it. I waited in the checkout line close to the ice machine with my empty cart. I assumed I should pay and then pick them up. It wasn’t the shortest line but I waited.
In front of me was a cute little blond girl. She struck me as a single girl, sort of shy, definitely demure. Her blond hair was almost as pale as her skin and she wore a lovely light blue jacket and cute hat. I was getting ready for a party. I was her antithesis. Dark hair in a ponytail, black t-shirt, black pants, black jacket, and Crocs. Not my best fashion day.
My issue wasn’t with her. But I could, from the moment I laid eyes on her, tell that she wasn’t one to get involved. Unfortunately, I am.
In front of her was a middle-aged (I guess in his 50s), salty Irishman. I could tell from his accent and the way he kept his shoulders scrunched and could only turn his head with his whole body, not with his neck. He appeared to be with his wife and young son.
Here’s what I ascertained. His items were rung up. He made a purchase, probably with a large bill. He wanted his change back in singles. Not a problem. But apparently, he wanted a large number of singles – more than the clerk had in his drawer.
The clerk offered him what he had and apologized.
“I’m sorry, sir. This is all I have in my drawer. If you go to customer service, they can give you the change you need.”
He was so polite even when the salty dog insisted he wanted his change. Again, the clerk exchanged niceties explaining it wasn’t possible. The salty dog wanted him to get money from another register or manager or supervisor. He apologized again and said he couldn’t do that but customer service would be more than happy to help him. He grumbled that he didn’t want to wait at Customer Service. Voices were raised. The clerk explained that there was no one waiting at Customer Service. More grumbles and stronger insistance.
I watched. I waited. I wasn’t being impatient. It wasn’t the waiting. It was that this man was being told no and but refusing to accept the answer. The clerk was being extremely patient and genuinely nice to him. I felt a loathing rising up. Who did this man think he was? Why was he being so difficult? Why was he taking so much time to argue the point when the time he spent arguing could have equated to him accomplishing his goal at customer service?
Finally, I could take no more. It’s not fair to be unjustly rude to people and have no consideration for those around you. I spoke up. I did not choose my words carefully. I was pretty angry.
“Dude, what is your problem? Why can’t you just go to customer service? He already told you he can’t help you.”
In retrospect, “dude” is probably not the best way to start a conversation. I was immediately met with hostility. He told me that it was none of my concern. I insisted it was. He told me to go to another register. I told him to go to another register. He told me that I should shut up and mind my own business. I called him an ass.
And then he left.
The clerk apologized profusely to the frail blond girl and to me. He had nothing to apologize for. I told him he handled the situation with grace, and certainly much better than I would have. I told him that I just didn’t think people should be allowed to get away with bad behavior. People shouldn’t be allowed to treat another human being with no respect regardless of their position.
And it’s not the first time I’ve found myself in this situation.
About 15 years ago, before I moved to Raleigh, I went to a U-Haul store to get a trailer hitch installed on my 1998 Honda CivicDX, a car that has no business with a trailer hitch. As I was sitting in the store waiting for my hitch to be installed, a man walks in to make a return on ratchet straps, used to tie down cargo.
He walks up to the counter and asks to return them. The clerk, clearly following policy, says he cannot refund cash for an item without a receipt but that he could issue a store credit. The guy went ballistic. Seriously. He was screaming and going on about the item. The clerk looked scared. I was a little scared. He seemed like the kind of guy that could come back with a gun.
In a thoughtless moment, I asked how much the ratchet straps cost. The guy answered $10. I pulled out a $10 bill, handed to him, and said, “Here. Now you can leave.” Much to my surprise, he left the ratchet strips on the counter, took my $10 bill and quietly left. Again, the clerk thanked me profusely and even discounted the service I was having done. But I did it because his behavior was so derisive towards another human being, I couldn’t take it.
I honestly feel compassion for the retail clerks that have to put up with this kind of behavior day after day, having been one of them once upon a time. But I don’t get involved because of the clerks. I get involved because I get disgusted with people who have bad behavior and get away with it because other people tolerate it. If you tolerate it in the name of customer service and because you need a job, I salute you. But I don’t work in customer service and I’ll gladly say something.
In a perfect world, we would all become self-policing and hold each other accountable for our behavior. I’d like to see us do more of that, in a constructive way. How about you? What would you have done?
43 comments
I think we should have more people around that are just like you. I stood in the grocery store a couple of months ago, three dollars short of my total. It was humiliating. I was trying to figure out what to put back when a woman stepped forward and handed the clerk the $3.12 I needed.
I was shocked and thanked her, but I still felt bad about it.
I appreciate that she wanted to help me.
I am going to pay it forward…
Thanks for standing up for retail clerks who ger abused
that is all
I always have money at the ready for people who are bit short. I totally believe in karma. I think doing good things for other people will be returned to you tenfold.
Good for you. I think everyone should have a job for at least two weeks working in retail, telemarketing and as a waitress. (I’ve only done the first two.) It helps you to empathize and be more understanding and not such a jerky customer. Should you need to do that to BE a kind person? No. Our world of entitlement is jacked up. Thank goodness for people like you!
Good for you. I think everyone should have a job for at least two weeks working in retail, telemarketing and as a waitress. (I’ve only done the first two.) It helps you to empathize and be more understanding and not such a jerky customer. Should you need to do that to BE a kind person? No. Our world of entitlement is jacked up. Thank goodness for people like you!
I worked retail, telemarketing (for 4 days), and at a restaurant as a busgirl. I’m pretty sure I cried at all of them except the telemarketing. And that’s only because I didn’t give it enough time. I can’t stand people who treat service workers like SERVANTS.
I did this once at the grocery store. I too can not stand stupid people. And you got him to leave! Good Job!:)
And kudos to you! I see it mostly at the grocery store or a restaurant!
I did this once at the grocery store. I too can not stand stupid people. And you got him to leave! Good Job!:)
I probably would have said something too. I used to work retail for a long time and customers like that made my blood boil. I pissed customers off a couple of times but I didn’t care if they were in the wrong, which they were. I love the other story too about how you paid the other guy so he’d just leave. You rock.
My only hope is that these people go home and lay down to go to sleep and think about the day they’ve had and they think to themselves, “Yeah, I really was an ass today. I’ll try to do better.”
I think my internet is finally gonna let me comment, so here goes: I love this post. I am so proud of you. I would not have called him an ass. I would have thought it and I wouldn’t have said it and the fact that you were ballsier than I would have been is shocking and humbling. I would have been all diplomatic like the cashier, I definitely would have gotten involved, but it likely wouldn’t have been effective since the official employee being diplomatic wasn’t working, it’s not likely that a random person doing the same thing would have helped… seriously… yea for you! I am totally schooled right now.
I’m totally blown away that I did/said something more ballsy than you. Maybe it’s my age. I’m just sick of the BS. You’ll get there too 😉
I agree with everything you said, I hate confrontation even though everyone doesn’t think this of me because although I hate it, I refuse to let people walk all over me or other people who don’t desearve it. People can be jerks. I experienced the other end of it not to long ago. An older lady was at the register and the vitamins she was buying rang up wrong by a few dollars each and she was buying several bottles of it. The worker acted like this older lady was scum on the bottom of her shoe and gave her such attitude for wanting the correct price. The line was long, people are grumbling about having to wait and then I hear the worker say, “can’t you just pay the price it’s ringing up??? God!” I lost it. I told the worker that it was her job to fix the price and that if she had such a problem with it then go find her manager and maybe the manager could fix it and in the meantime I would let the manager know how unpleasant and crappy she was to her customers. The older lady kept apologizing over and over and saying its just that I live on a fixed income and it makes a difference. I told her she shouldn’t ever apologize for wanting the correct price on her purchase. Then proceeded to go find a manager to deal with the situation. I’m not sure if anything was ever said to the worker by the manager but I sure let him know what a crappy employee he had.
I agree with everything you said, I hate confrontation even though everyone doesn’t think this of me because although I hate it, I refuse to let people walk all over me or other people who don’t desearve it. People can be jerks. I experienced the other end of it not to long ago. An older lady was at the register and the vitamins she was buying rang up wrong by a few dollars each and she was buying several bottles of it. The worker acted like this older lady was scum on the bottom of her shoe and gave her such attitude for wanting the correct price. The line was long, people are grumbling about having to wait and then I hear the worker say, “can’t you just pay the price it’s ringing up??? God!” I lost it. I told the worker that it was her job to fix the price and that if she had such a problem with it then go find her manager and maybe the manager could fix it and in the meantime I would let the manager know how unpleasant and crappy she was to her customers. The older lady kept apologizing over and over and saying its just that I live on a fixed income and it makes a difference. I told her she shouldn’t ever apologize for wanting the correct price on her purchase. Then proceeded to go find a manager to deal with the situation. I’m not sure if anything was ever said to the worker by the manager but I sure let him know what a crappy employee he had.
THAT is an awesome story. Awful and awesome. That person deserved to be fired on the spot. But good for you for helping someone stand up that didn’t have a powerful enough voice to do it for themselves. I think people are jerks because people let them get away with it.
This post has kinda challenged me. I’m usually the type who won’t say anything, who will just stand there and watch in horror as someone acts like a total butt to someone else. I can remember a few times specifically that after the fact, I really wished that I had said something. I’m going to make an effort to speak up even if I’m not entirely comfortable doing it because you’re right, “In a perfect world, we would all become self-policing and hold each other accountable for our behavior.”…
It’s about listening to your heart instead of your head. Which we need to do sometimes. I had the internal debate in my head about whether or not to say something. In the end, I shut off the voice in my head and just said what i wanted to say. No regrets.
Dude, the world needs more people like you 🙂
Maybe not EXACTLY like me 😉
I too hate confrontation but if you push the right buttons, I will step up. I can not stand to see people behaving badly and thinking they have a right to act that way…grrr…
Oh, I bet you can get your buttons pushed. Everyone knows latinas have fiery tempers 😉
I would absolutely have said something. I worked at Hungry Jack’s for ages, worked myself up to manager, and the abuse you cop is unbelievable. Most of the front counter crew are girls still in high school who’ve just done a 6 hour school day, come to work for a 5 hour shift, and have to go home again and study, and you get 40something year old men abusing them, I’ve seen spit flying from their mouths because they’re so angry, all because they had to wait 2 minutes longer than they hoped for, or because the shake machine is broken. It was much easier when I got to manager and could listen to both sides of a complaint and tell the customer to please leave, if necessary.
I absolutely wish more people told off the angry, arrogant ones. If you’d tell off your toddler for yelling or being rude, you should tell off the adults as well.
Okay, what’s Hungry Jack’s? It remind me of the biscuits we used to eat all the time. I also worked at a restaurant for 4 months. THAT job is not worth it. I had a customer bring me to tears. I think I’m old enough now that I replace tears with words. And it feels a lot better.
I’m impressed. I always have the best things to say in those sort of incidents, only they come about five minutes later. I need to work on being more assertive, not aggressive, that gets you stalkers.
I try, try, try not to get too emotional or angry. Assertiveness is the key. And yes, we all have the after-the-fact moments. Like the use of my words “dude” and “ass.” However, they seemed sort of effective to me 🙂
In the situation with the guy at Bj’s I would have taken a page from my moms book and talk to the other girl really loud about how much of a jackass the old guy was being. Once my husband & I had gone to lunch at a neighborhood Greek restaurant and the owner came in and started berating one of the waitresses for a mistake she had made. He literally called her every name in the book & then some. I was stunned to silence but a table of little old ladies got up in his face & told him to shut up. I felt so bad for the poor girl because she slipped away & when she brought our drinks I could tell she had been crying. I hope she quit that day.
Oh I hope she quit too. And trust me, I kept looking at the other girl waiting for eye contact or some sort of acknowledgement that she was bothered too. She just looked down and away the whole time and wanted to ignore the situation. But that IS a great technique to remember!
I agree so strongly with this: we should not treat each other like garbage.
I just quit one of my PT jobs b/c of the way my boss would yell, holler, berate me.
I don’t care if I loved what I was doing…NO ONE should talk to anyone that way.
I , in writing, left with a very short, neutral resignation notice.
But, verbally, I let her know and asked her if she felt good knowing I was her 4th employee to leave in 2 years b/c of verbal abuse.
We’ll see if she even cares.
I worked at a pharmacy once. And the customers could be horrible (think sick, crazy, stressed, etc.) and it didn’t help that I had a complete jerk of a boss on top of it. Apparently, because I worked in a pharmacy and wasn’t a pharmacist, I must just be a silly little girl who doesn’t know anything and should keep herself busy dusting shelves. Luckily, that job was short lived. No job is worth the abuse.
I spent years in customer and retail service. People always think if they get loud and rude, they’ll get their way.
Way to go. 🙂
Like someone mentioned, if loud and rude is what gets our own way, then I have no real reason to discipline my 4 year old son.
Good for you! reminds me of the ABC show “What Would You Do” (John Quinones) – I think there must be a reason the universe has not presented me with the opportunity to intervene because I really can’t think of many (or maybe it’s because my mom used to embarrass me a lot by saying inappropriate things in public herself :-() But in any case, yes, we should stand up against the asshats in the world and maybe you were right to call him out in that way.
I do think about this sort of thing a lot, and I imaging being more Jedi-like and trying to stay calm – but I’ll have to see when it happens, after all, the bills he was requesting did not *exist* in the drawer – yeesh!
There is definitely a time and place for reason and rationale. This didn’t seem like either. Plus I was soaking wet from the rain and stressed about my Mardi Gras party. All in all, it did work out. But maybe I should work on using Jedi mind tricks instead.
You were absolutely right to say something. Unfortunately bullies often remain bullies way after their playground years and the only way to “correct” the behavior of a bully is to refuse to accept it. I don’t think starting the conversation with “dude” was wrong either – you were speaking his language. Tyrants and bullies only hold sway when the rest of them refuse to stand up to them and reject their tyranny. You done good!
Sometimes I speak from the heart. Sometimes I speak from the head. That day, I spoke from whatever place annoyance comes from and “Dude” was what came out 😉
I remember years ago, I won a first-class train trip. When we boarded, we were told there had been a fire in the first-class car so we had a regular car (meaning less leg room) but were reassured we would receive first-class service (hot food, booze and real cutlery!). An older guy (I’d say gentleman, but his actions were anything but gentlemanly) began berating the attendant. You know, like it was his fault, perhaps he’d set the fire or something. At the time, I was young and didn’t have the balls to say anything directly to this asshat, but I loudly thanked the young attendant for his most excellent service. After our trip, I figured Mr. Complainy Pants was the type to call corporate bitching about the so-called terrible service, so I wrote a letter to Via telling them what happened and how the attendant had provided wonderful service throughout the trip, despite this man being a giant douche. Now that I’m older, I would challenge the guy on the spot. There’s no call to treat someone like that so terribly.
It’s amazing how just calling someone out gives them pause. People (bullies or whatever) don’t expect it. Probably because they’ve gotten away with bad behavior all their life. And you make a great point. Praise the people that handle it well. Because that is NOT an easy job.
You don’t know me from Adam, but you are my new hero. I absolutely can’t STAND people who assume they’re somehow better than the person with the name tag. My pet peeve is with waiters and check-out people. Their job is to bring you food or take your money- not stock the store, input inventory, know where everything is, or cook your food. They’re not your slave- they’re trying to make your visit enjoyable and smooth. Get over yourself.
Mad props to you, my friend.
Oh, you must know my neighbor! Had to stop going out to eat with them because every waiter we had was treated like a servant. It was totally embarrassing to me. Even if I was the Queen of England, I would still say please and thank you. Thanks for your comment 🙂
[…] When we returned from the trip, I would get a few questions here and there about Darth Vader. And then I thought it might be time. It might be time to introduce my son to Star Wars. I made a trip to the cheapest movie spot I know: BJs (yes, that BJs). […]
this post is awesome. good for you! and more of us should feel secure enough to speak up when it’s necessary. it’s bullying and bullying is not only wrong to schoolchildren, but to anyone. the way you handled the uhaul customer? stellar.
I could have sworn I already commented on this. I think this blog hopping is making me lose my mind! Anyhoo… GOOD FOR YOU! People suck. You do not. 🙂
You are all kinds of awesome. My 2 jobs pre kids were retail customer service and a financial institution, where I worked my way from teller yo management. You grow a thick skin after a while and learn to keep your cool thru the worst. But serving the public SUCKS.