I know you’re here for the ugly sweaters because, really, who can resist looking at ugly sweaters. It’s like watching a train wreck. You just can’t turn away.
Now back to the program…
It’s a fairly new trend I think. This Ugly Sweater Party idea. And it’s always centered around Christmas (although, let’s be clear, this phenomenon is not limited to the holidays). Perhaps Christmas is the time of all things merry and gay. Sweaters that light up and jingle and definitely sparkle. And if a little is good, a lot must be better. At least that’s how is seems for Christmas sweaters.
Here’s the problem with the Ugly Sweater Party.
Some people really like ugly sweaters.
(Notice the older woman over my shoulder admiring the Christmas bunny sweatshirt I’m checking out?)
And to be honest, I realize that participating in such festivities could be quite insulting to the people that would say, “Hey, I would totally wear that.”
But this was a neighborhood party and since my neighborhood is kind of awesome, I was really looking to wow the crowd.
I picked some of the obvious shopping spots:
Kohl’s. Walmart.
Sure, I found some things. I just wasn’t prepared to pay $20 for something I knew I would hate.
(As you can see, these were not only ugly but unflattering as well.)
So I went on a quest.
Ross. Marshalls. Nope. Nothing.
So I headed to the place I like to call “the mall that time forgot.” A few of the stores are closed and the rest seem to be those off-brand kind of stores. But I thought it would serve it’s purpose.
First stop? Sears.
There was a selection but nothing that floated my boat. And absolutely nothing in the Christmas-tacky department for men. So I headed to a department store called Boscov’s.
JACKPOT!
I walked in and was blown away by the selection of embroidered and sequined sweatshirts, shirts, and vests. I even found an entire track suit that would fit the bill.
However, I will admit I felt bad. I was trying to pick out the worst of the worst and I was surrounded by little old ladies who were legitimately shopping for these pieces of clothing. Buying something at that point felt like I was mocking them to their faces. So I left for Belk’s.
Belk’s had a selection for the modern Christmas-loving woman. A woman who likes a little bling but doesn’t like to wear a sweater that makes it look like someone vomited Christmas all over them.
I carefully looked through the selections of snowmen, reindeer (my personal favorite), and more subtle designs like holly and cardinals.
In the end, I chose a long sleeve black shirt with a bejeweled Christmas tree on it that jingled just a touch when I walked. I just couldn’t bring myself to buy that mint green sweatshirt embroidered with Christmas kittens no matter how much I knew it would work.
(This was the very worst I could do. It’s not in my genetic makeup to buy shapeless ugly clothes.)
I felt like I chickened out. I just couldn’t do ugly. So I went for tacky. I paired my black bejweled shirt with my fuzzy black vest. I bought earrings made of red and green jingle bells. I wore socks with Christmas trees on them. And just to show people I was committed, I bought a Christmas cat pin and wore it on my vest.
I felt like I was bringing tacky back. Making it cool again. And trust me, at the party, I feel like the coolest (dressed) person there.
(Some of my favorites but since no one signed any release forms, I thought I’d protect the innocent.)
I finally found a way to ensure social confidence. Surround yourself with people wearing really, really ugly sweaters. And have a few glasses of wine.
We’ll give you a pass this time, but next year, it’s on!
I promise to do better. And by better, I mean uglier.
Ha!! Love it, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t actually dress in an ugly sweater either! 🙂
I did my very best but I had to keep it tame.
Oh I love this! You need to head to the thrift stores next time!
Thrift stores give me the heebie jeebies. What’s with that weird smell in there? Someone did actually wear a thrift store sweater and it was the most fabulous I’ve ever seen. And by fabulous, I mean hideous.
You definitely missed out on the track suit! See, I would ACTUALLY wear your shirt to a class holiday party or something. P.S. little known fact about me: I once owned a DIFFERENT Christmas sweater for every day of December leading up to the 25th. It was a sickness I now realize.
It wasn’t a sickness. You were just stocking up for the trend of ugly Christmas sweater parties!
My Nana LIVES in those embroidered sweatshirts lol. All the ones you posted totally reminded me of her! Especially that light blue suit with the snowflakes on it. I think she may have that one! lol
If I really had guts, I would have worn the powder blue track suit. I guess I’m not as strong as I thought I was.
LOL!!! I was wondering how your quest for an ugly sweater turned out! To appease the guilt on buying something you’ll probably never wear again, head out during the post-holiday sales and rack up on the clearance rack for next year 🙂
I am TOTALLY doing that. I do not need to be so chic next year. I need an igly turtleneck AND sweater!
This topic ALWAYS makes me smile! I think this is the year that I’m going to have to have “the talk” with my Mom about ugly sweaters. She is 55 and I can tell that her line between what is festive holiday clothing and what is an ugly Christmas sweater is getting seriously blurred.
Oh, this made me smile. I saw this exact conversation on Facebook where one of my neighbors was attending the party and had “the talk” with her mom for all of us to see. And I loved it!
I might actually wear the one you picked out ~ and I am NOT a tacky Christmas sweater type at all. I have a good friend who has a collection of ugly Christmas sweaters and she thinks they are just wonderful. Of course she’s one who’s known to throw out a “bless you/his/her heart” in every conversation… I think that comes naturally to an ugly holiday sweater lover though.
Um yeah. I know EXACTLY the type you mean. It’s why I almost felt guilty shopping for something with all these women not knowing that I was secretly mocking them. I’ll tell you, I did wear this shirt again yesterday when I volunteered in my son’s kindergarten. The jewels and bells were a big hit with the 5 year old crowd 😉
I used to have a navy blue sweatshirt with deer in the snow – My in-laws got it for me the first Christmas my hubby and I were together. Awww. 😛
I am so so so sorry. Please tell me you’ve done something constructive with that sweatshirt.
Maybe. I donated it to Goodwill after the appropriate amount of time in my closet. 🙂