Last year, a common theme in my writing was self-loathing.
I don’t like getting older. My hair is thinning. The lines are deepening. The jowls are sagging. The hormones are completely out of whack. But the worst part is my expanding waistline.
I shouldn’t be surprised because I’ve never been a healthy eater nor an exercise fiend. In fact, I’ve never been particularly healthy. I’ve just been lucky.
I know how to eat properly. I know what I’m supposed to eat too. I just don’t wanna.
I have voids in my life and when I eat something that tastes good, it makes me feel good, even momentarily. And then I feel bad because I intentionally gave up the notion of self-control. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle.
I’m not really an emotional eater. When I’m mad or sad, I usually don’t eat. Emotions upset my stomach and I just don’t eat. But when I’m bored or feeling blah, I usually reach for the salty stuff. Chips, cheese and crackers, pretzels. Sure, I buy whole wheat and try to limit my carbs. But when I do eat carbs, I overeat my carbs.
I’ve got issues. I recognize it is as easy “as burn more calories than I put into my body.” But limiting my food intake and increasing my physical activity is something I’ve never really excelled at. And it’s because of one reason: I’m lazy. I prefer the path of least resistance.
But I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t stand feeling self-conscious every time I put on a shirt that my cling a little too much. Or feeling frustrated when I put on pants that just don’t fit anymore because I’ve expanded too much in the front or too much in the back. Or depressed when it’s time to go shopping for new clothes because I find myself looking at the larger sizes so I can mask things all the better.
And the worst part? People that generally know me think I look great. I think I actually looked pretty cute when I was at Epcot earlier this week…
And at Disney’s Animal Kingdom.
But I knew I was making the right decision about changing my lifestyle when I saw the pictures my husband snapped as I came off of the Kali River Rapids ride.
It mortifies me to publish these pictures but it’s time to hold myself accountable. Publicly accountable.
It’s the double and triple rolls at my waist, the hunched over posture, the doughy back. There’s nothing about my body that screams health. I’m not obese and technically I’m in the “normal” weight range but my body isn’t what it should be and I need help.
I signed up for and was accepted to the Shaklee 180™ Program for bloggers. Along with 89 other bloggers, I’ll be following the program for 6 months. They’ll provide me the products and support I need to follow the program but the rest is entirely up to me. I don’t want to let them down and I don’t want to let myself down.
In addition to making myself feel better and feeling better about myself, I want to model a healthier lifestyle for my overweight husband and my 6 year old who’s becoming a bigger kid than I’d like him to be.
I’ll officially start the program on March 1st and I’ll be writing monthly and publishing a video diary to show my progress. If it seems a bit self-indulgent to be doing this in a public forum, I understand your thoughts on this. But I need a level of public accountability. And if you feel compelled to follow my progress, I’d love any words of advice, support, encouragement, or even questions.
Here’s to better health!