This is actually an SEO (search engine optimization) post. I’m not going to tell you how to optimize your blog for searches on places like Google because clearly, I’m still working on that.
Here’s what I mean.
If you have Google Analytics, you have the ability to see the keywords, or search terms, people use to find your blog. I check mine every so often, not to optimize my blog but really to have a good laugh. And then I need to share them with you.
One of my biggest search terms is “trick or treat smell my feet.” Yes, sometimes I get cutesy with my post titles. This was simply a post I did about Halloween costumes. Who knew so many people were looking for the lyrics to this rhyme? In case they are still looking for it:
“Trick or treat, smell my feet. Give me something good to eat.”
But my number one search term, believe it or not, is “wacky wednesday.” Yes, this is the title of the famed Dr. Seuss book. I used it for a post that I wrote one Wednesday when it seemed like the world had tilted on its axis. It was just that kind of day. However, I’m pretty sure that the people that are searching for “wacky wednesday” aren’t really looking for “a few weird things that happened to Fadra on a random Wednesday.”
In fact, most of the humorous terms come from people that I’m quite sure aren’t looking for my blog. That’s okay. It makes for fun reading. Here are some of my favorites along with some answers and explanations:
Oh yes, I did blog about Hillary’s hair. Did you see it? It was blogworthy.
social media celebrity
Why thank you! I don’t really think of myself as a celebrity. Well, at least not in the social media circles.
lasting kiss informercial
I admitted that I bought this crap from an informercial but I don’t want to be known as the authority on the lasting kiss infomercial. Not unless it’s going to drive a whole lot more traffic. Let me know.
maryland mcdonalds ship inside seating area
Because I love McDonald’s, I get inquiries from time to time. My favorite McDonald’s used to have a ship inside where the kids could sit and eat. I’m sorry to report that the Route 50 McDonald’s right before the Chesapeake Bay Bridge is no longer seaworthy.
“28 sexy things to try in bed”
I hardly think I’m an expert in this area but I guess I owe you something. Here’s a tip. Try putting your iPhone down before getting busy. I haven’t tried it yet but it’s probably a good idea.
all make sense in time grasshopper
Apparently, writing about my bloggy friend @TheGrasshoppa drives a lot of traffic my way. I don’t know about you but I can’t read that statement without hearing a bad Asian accent in my head.
I just love the simplicity of this one. What must someone have been thinking? “its fadra” that makes the world go round. “its fadra” would make a lovely talk show title. “its fadra” is the answer to life, the universe, and everything (formerly known to be 42). Maybe I’ll make it my new tagline.
What the??? I know that @TheNextMartha is fabulous and all but this is MY blog. Go read her blog if you think she’s that great. Wait. Don’t leave. Just stay here a little longer. (Oddly enough, I just found this post on her blog. Guilty?)
macaroni and cheese push here to open annoying
THANK YOU for that validation. This was one of my early, early posts where I talked about that damn blue box being the bane of my existence. (Still is, for the record).
positive things about mcdonalds
Sometimes I feel like a walking commercial for McDonald’s. Yes, I have posted some nicey-nice things about them. They don’t pay me to say that. Unless Happy Meal toys are considered a form of compensation (disclaimer: that’s a joke).
red licorice taste test
Really? We can’t just drop the whole Red Vines vs. Twizzlers debacle? I think we clearly established that Twizzlers rule. Didn’t we? I thought we did…
Wrong site. I don’t offer training here. But you can download my Whore Training e-book for only $19.99.
“forced him””smell my feet”
I don’t know where you come from but that ain’t right. You shouldn’t force anyone to smell your feet. I’m serious.
“i want a buzzcut”
So if you want a buzzcut, just go get one. I could see if you google “buzzcut” but why google “i want a buzzcut.” Are you looking for moral support? I don’t offer that here either but I am working on an e-book for that. See also “i want a donut.”
“my black eye” morning or next or became or become or turn or turned or swell or swelled or following -pea -military -peas -susan -susans -kim -michellemake -makeup -liner -shadow -fake
“my body is betraying me”
I hear you, sister. You don’t have to remind me.
“my mom cut my hair” to my “butt”
Only a few things concern me about this one. First, how long was your hair that you actually had it cut to your butt? And secondly, why is your “butt” in quotations? Never mind. I don’t want to know.
2 cute honeys get busy in the bedroom
Why, thank you! My husband and I have never been called honeys before!
2011 rules of ediquit
It’s okay if you missed my 2011 Rules of Etiquette post. Because I left something off: LEARN HOW TO SPELL ETIQUETTE.
crazy spelled names
I know, I know. You don’t have to remind me.
12 sneaky ways you can save $5000
Saving $5000 implies that I would be dealing in transactions larger than $5000. I do spend a lot at BJs but if it requires more than clipping coupons, I’m out.
40 funny things about my sister
Wow. You must have a funny sister. I could only come up with 36 funny things about mine.
5 year old always jumping invading personal space
Maybe someone needs to explain to you what 5 year olds are all about. Seriously.
all the stuuf you kned to have happy birds
Finally! One question I can legitimately answer! Food, water, mirror. Oh, and don’t let them read your writing. You’re a horrible speller.
all those ag doll eyes would follow me where ever i went.
I know the feeling.
bathrooms with two sinks good or bad?
best way to kill a grasshopper in side a house
Grasshopper good. Do not kill grasshopper. Capture in plastic cup and set free.
big tits macarroni
Everyone should know by now that I love macaroni and cheese. But this rendition doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest.
And that my friends, concludes the top searches up to an including the letter B. That means I have many more installments to share with you. And I know you are totally going to go check your Google Analytics now too.