Stream of Consciousness Sunday: The Way My Mind Works

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It’s been two weeks since my last SOC Sunday. Last week, I was without a computer and on my way back from NYC. This week, I was just tired. Tired of being online and writing and oh so many other things. But after spending 5 minutes writing, I realize that this is exactly what I needed.

Here’s my 5 minute brain dump…

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On Friday, I was driving down to Baltimore. Evan once again wanted to visit the aquarium and since our membership expires at the end of July, I figured we’d milk it for all we could.

But I wasn’t in the mood. I didn’t want to go out and face the city and the people. I also didn’t want to disappoint my little boy, who doesn’t get as much of my devoted time as I’d like. Silently, I pouted as we drove and even though he was chattering away in the back, my mind was wandering all over the place.

The world is too much. Sometimes it’s just too much. So much pain and tragedy and drama and anger and it’s just too much.

The world is not enough. There isn’t enough love and caring and tolerance and dare I say it, intelligence. People aren’t enough.

Yes, these are often my rambling thoughts when I leave myself alone with them too long and I don’t have the distraction of social media and stupid candy crushing games. And I don’t know how to say it and I don’t know what to do with the feelings. So I keep them in my head and drive through the never ending traffic in the Inner Harbor of Baltimore.

I drive down Baltimore Street and pass Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club and the Pussycat something or other and tell Evan we’re in the sketchy part of town and these are strip clubs. And then I follow up with what a strip club is and realize at the tender age of 8, I’ve accidentally given him an education that I didn’t intend.

We park the car, take the elevator down, hold hands as we walk down the street. After two hours or so of marveling at sharks and fish and ending with a snack to satisfy our sweet tooth, the world is just right again for a little while.