I’m a gamer.
Not a super gamer. Not like World-of-Warcraft kind of gamer. Not an online gamer. But a gamer.
I’ve tried Minecraft (I still don’t see what the appeal is) but most of the time I enjoy word games on my phone. I consider myself medium good at Words with Friends. I excel at Scramble with Friends. And I even dabble a bit in What’s the Phrase with Friends.
But every once in a while, I go into obsessive game mode where I. can’t. stop. playing.
This happened for me when I first discovered Angry Birds. I played it morning, noon, and night. I was completely out of control. But it wasn’t all for naught. I’ve achieved three stars on every single level. I’d like to think that might look good on a resumé someday.
Then I was obsessed with W.E.L.D.E.R. but the interest is starting to wane. So I had to start looking.
I thought of going back to one of my obsessions from a long time ago, Bejeweled, and was surprised when I didn’t find it on my iPad. So I downloaded this game called Bejeweled Blitz.
That’s when I realized I was playing a Facebook game.
All those annoying requests and invites you get? So and so just sent you a request in Bejweled Blitz!
I panicked. I went to my Facebook page and made sure there was no evidence of my game activity on my profile. I didn’t want to be that person. So I quietly played Bejeweled Blitz on my own, and obsessively, but swore that was as close as I would ever come to Facebook gaming.
Then something happened.
I invited my sister to babysit my son while we went out for a nice wine tasting and dinner. When I got home, I found out that she not only had introduced Evan to Doctor Who (which I’m pretty sure will give him nightmares) but she showed him all about Candy Crush. Another Facebook game.
That’s really when I started the 12 stages of Candy Crush addiction.
I want nothing to do with these Facebook games. I may play games but they’re much more important than these other silly trivial games.
Really? You have to feed your sheep or water your goats? I may spend a lot of time on Facebook but it’s because I’m networking. Not just wasting my time playing games.
Why are all these people sending me game requests? I don’t even play this stupid game!
What? My sister plays this game? But she’s so smart. She’s not trendy. She doesn’t fall for these things. And my sister-in-law too? But she’s so artsy cool. She couldn’t possibly be wrapped up in this whole Candy Crush this.
Well, if they’re into it, I suppose I could take a look. I mean, it is a free download. And I’m sure I can turn off any Facebook notifications so nobody ever has to know I’m playing.
Okay, seriously? This is what people go so crazy over? This game is pretty simplistic. It’s like Bejeweled Blitz without the challenge. Please.
I’ve just gone through 10 levels in 10 minutes. At this rate, I’ll be finished this game by the end of the week. I mean, this game does end, right?
Whoa. I had no idea that so many of my Facebook friends played this game. It’s like a secret little cult that I didn’t really know existed. And now I’m one of them.
Surely I can get as far as Brittany or Cheryl or Ashley or Stephanie or, or, or… Oh My God. Is that Amy that’s light years ahead of everyone? I’m not sure if I’m in awe at her game playing or in awe at how much free time she must really have.
Why can’t I get beyond this stupid level? I mean, they’re making it impossible. I could see if it was a matter of strategy but they’re just messing with my head to get me one move away from completely this level and then giving me no matches near the jelly. WHY ARE THEY TAUNTING ME?
No, I’m cool. I can work this out. It’s a strategy game, Fadra. THINK. Get rid of the jelly lower down first. Yes, that’s it. That will make it work. Or maybe get four in a row. That will help. You can obliterate the rows and then… wait… it’s not working. I’m out of moves. I can’t be out of moves. I KNOW I CAN WIN IT THIS TIME!
Oh. You think you can beat me? Well, I’LL SHOW YOU. Here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m NOT going to “ask my friends for extra lives.” That’s just what you would want me to do. I’m going to change the date on my iPad and then you will automatically give me 5 more lives. And when I go through those 5 lives? I’M GONNA DO IT AGAIN.
And that is where we come to our full on addiction of the game know as Candy Crush Saga. There’s no saga. It’s just an endless ploy to get you to spend money on boosters and lives and all sorts of things.
As I sat down last night to show my husband, we worked on the levels together and we made it through! And then, I apparently needed a “ticket” to get to the next level and had to “ask my friends for help.” Or pay 99 cents. He quickly went to click on the button to pay.
NO! I screamed. That’s just what they want you to do. No. We’ll wait. They’ll never expect that.
There is hope though. There is a 13th stage called Indifference, sometimes known as boredom. You’ll get there eventually. It may be a long road. It may cost you a few credits in the iTunes store, but someday you will look back and wonder what it was all for.
It was all for the love of the candy.