Lately, my blog feels more like a confessional. And I’m not even Catholic.
Sometimes, I feel like saying something or admitting something, even if less than admirable, helps absolve me of some of the guilt I may be feeling.
Sometimes, though, I don’t feel guilty at all. Sometimes, I’m just letting pieces of the real me out.
That’s not to say that my blog is, nor has ever been, not me. It’s just a filtered me. And that’s okay, I think.
Someone sent me an article the other day about why brands should be human on social media (to which most of us in the blogging world will say duh). But the interesting part for me was when it started talking about something in linguistics called “code-switching,” where a person alternates back and forth between multiple languages in a single conversation. As NPR suggested, in the article, it goes beyond linguistics and is significant on a cultural and sociological level.
This concept is a big part of social media. In the traditional world, we’re used to applying the appropriate filter for our audience.
This is Fadra AT WORK. This is Work Fadra.
This is Fadra AT HOME. This is Home Fadra.
This is Fadra OUT SOCIALIZING. This is Social Fadra.
In social media, though, these boundaries aren’t clearly defined. It’s more like real-life Fadra and online Fadra, which most people that know me in both realms tell me are pretty much the same.
But there’s behind-the-scenes Fadra, too. The one that says how she really feels. The one that chats late at night with my husband. The one that sits in private Facebook groups saying things that will never see the light of day.
They’re all me but I’m definitely filtered online. I think it’s good. It gives a sense of decorum. Sometimes though, I’ll admit, I fantasize about that Jim Carrey movie, Liar Liar. I fantasize that my filter is completely removed and I have no choice but to say exactly what I feel when I feel it.
Then you’d see me. All of me. And I wonder if you’d like me.
What if I told you…
- I swear a lot in private. Usually when I’m mad and only with close friends or family. It makes me sound trashy but it also makes me feel better.
- I’m extremely cynical and sarcastic. There’s a difference between the two. Most people that know me have figured out the sarcastic side of me. Even my son is learning sarcasm (*proud mama*) but being cynical is a bit darker. I’m that too.
- I can’t stand emotional drama. I’m an emotional person but a somewhat guarded one. I let my emotions fly when they are genuine but I have to cogitate a bit before they come out. And then they don’t always come out online. People that wear their heart on their sleeves don’t bother me. People that wear their heart all over social media bother me.
- I’m horrible at keeping up with people. I never remember birthdays. I don’t do anything special for sick friends or new babies. And I don’t always like people’s Facebook pages when they ask me to. I have the best of intentions but the worst of time management skill.
- I don’t have much blog traffic. Normally, I would say who cares? But people generally respect me as a blogger and think I’m “big” and “successful” and when it comes to numbers, I’m not. It makes me feel like a bit of a fraud.
- I’m afraid of my writing. I recognized a few months ago that I write for an audience. And I’m not even sure I know who that audience is. I’m afraid that if I write reviews, no one will read them. And yet I keep saying yes to things that look really cool. I’m afraid that if I write too dark or honest or colorful, people will be offended and no one will read (I even have a not-so-secret blog where I write like this). I’m afraid if I don’t have pictures, no one will look at the words (notice no pictures today?).
What if I told you all of that?
Would you still come back?