Lately, my blog feels more like a confessional. And I’m not even Catholic.
Sometimes, I feel like saying something or admitting something, even if less than admirable, helps absolve me of some of the guilt I may be feeling.
Sometimes, though, I don’t feel guilty at all. Sometimes, I’m just letting pieces of the real me out.
That’s not to say that my blog is, nor has ever been, not me. It’s just a filtered me. And that’s okay, I think.
Someone sent me an article the other day about why brands should be human on social media (to which most of us in the blogging world will say duh). But the interesting part for me was when it started talking about something in linguistics called “code-switching,” where a person alternates back and forth between multiple languages in a single conversation. As NPR suggested, in the article, it goes beyond linguistics and is significant on a cultural and sociological level.
This concept is a big part of social media. In the traditional world, we’re used to applying the appropriate filter for our audience.
This is Fadra AT WORK. This is Work Fadra.
This is Fadra AT HOME. This is Home Fadra.
This is Fadra OUT SOCIALIZING. This is Social Fadra.
In social media, though, these boundaries aren’t clearly defined. It’s more like real-life Fadra and online Fadra, which most people that know me in both realms tell me are pretty much the same.
But there’s behind-the-scenes Fadra, too. The one that says how she really feels. The one that chats late at night with my husband. The one that sits in private Facebook groups saying things that will never see the light of day.
They’re all me but I’m definitely filtered online. I think it’s good. It gives a sense of decorum. Sometimes though, I’ll admit, I fantasize about that Jim Carrey movie, Liar Liar. I fantasize that my filter is completely removed and I have no choice but to say exactly what I feel when I feel it.
Then you’d see me. All of me. And I wonder if you’d like me.
What if I told you…
- I swear a lot in private. Usually when I’m mad and only with close friends or family. It makes me sound trashy but it also makes me feel better.
- I’m extremely cynical and sarcastic. There’s a difference between the two. Most people that know me have figured out the sarcastic side of me. Even my son is learning sarcasm (*proud mama*) but being cynical is a bit darker. I’m that too.
- I can’t stand emotional drama. I’m an emotional person but a somewhat guarded one. I let my emotions fly when they are genuine but I have to cogitate a bit before they come out. And then they don’t always come out online. People that wear their heart on their sleeves don’t bother me. People that wear their heart all over social media bother me.
- I’m horrible at keeping up with people. I never remember birthdays. I don’t do anything special for sick friends or new babies. And I don’t always like people’s Facebook pages when they ask me to. I have the best of intentions but the worst of time management skill.
- I don’t have much blog traffic. Normally, I would say who cares? But people generally respect me as a blogger and think I’m “big” and “successful” and when it comes to numbers, I’m not. It makes me feel like a bit of a fraud.
- I’m afraid of my writing. I recognized a few months ago that I write for an audience. And I’m not even sure I know who that audience is. I’m afraid that if I write reviews, no one will read them. And yet I keep saying yes to things that look really cool. I’m afraid that if I write too dark or honest or colorful, people will be offended and no one will read (I even have a not-so-secret blog where I write like this). I’m afraid if I don’t have pictures, no one will look at the words (notice no pictures today?).
What if I told you all of that?
Would you still come back?
16 comments
Yup. I’d come back!
I could have written this exact list. I don’t think there’s anything wrong being a bit filtered online and in person. I’m different in polite social settings than I am relaxing with good friends. Like you, one of the more noticeable differences is that I swear like a sailor on leave. 😉 I also have a very sarcastic sense of humor that leans rather dark, and I’m always afraid it doesn’t read well online. Sometimes it works out, sometimes I really wish I hadn’t tweeted something that was meant as a joke.
We’re a lot similar, though I probably get those messages out more. I’m a little less reserved emotionally, but not uncomfortable with that. Mostly because there’s a whole other level that no one (but my husband) sees. This private Facebook group thing disquiets me. You sound pretty normal to me.
If you told me all that – “that” being the more real you? Absolutely! I would come back for what’s real more than anything! I like to know what’s real and honest about people, and I like to share the same. With it comes richness, growth, and authenticy.
I would definitely keep reading. I was nodding along to your entire list. I respect you because you post about things you believe in without seeming scripted or fake. I like the Fadra I think I know and I know I’d like the even realer Fadra too.
Yes and because your honest I would respect your opinions more
Yes.
I definitely code switch; it’s a necessity in my professional and personal life. When it comes to social media, I definitely monitor what I put out there. I think it’s just a way of keeping some things to myself.
what if I told you I lurk here a lot but rarely comment?
Take out the swearing (i don’t curse outside of my fiction) and we are a like in all these ways. It makes me dig you even more to know these things AND made me comment.
I would tell you that I could have written the same blog post. And, yes, I would come back.
I would come back, because it sounds a lot of what is going on over here, too.
Except that I don’t think anybody thinks I’m big or successful, unless there’s a wine-drinking contest that I’ve inadvertently entered.
I love honesty. It always ends up making me feel like I’m in good company.
I come everyday, I just don’t comment all the time. ;-(
I do feel the same sometimes. I feel like I write or post photos for an audience sometimes and not myself. but I’m working on that. I’ve finally come to terms that I am not going to make a lot of money off of my blog, so I might as well do and say what I want.
And now, I’m off to read this other not so secret blog…..
This made me “love” you even more! You were the first blogger I started reading, and you are still my favourite (despite being a Brit, in the UK, and not always getting your US references), you are also inspirational to me as a blogger. Keep being you, and keep writing. Thanks 🙂
You’re my idol and possibly my evil twin (ok, you may be the good twin)! And we’ve never even met!
What if I told you that I feel this way all the time. All the time. And honestly, reading this makes me like you so much more. To the point where honestly I may email myself this post just to remember that I’m not alone in feeling this way.
I swear way too much, and I am horrible about keeping up with people. Drama makes me run for the hills. You are NOT alone.
I think it’s totally okay to have online and off line personalities. I’m the same way and like keeping a little bit to myself. I don’t swear on my blog but (like you) swear like a pirate w/ my husband and closest of closest friends. It’s probably not very attractive but I just feel so much better after I can drop an F-bomb and not have to worry about anybody judging me.