The Cactus of My Life

I mentioned how I’ve been cleaning out my house and my life in preparation for our move. But I’m torn about something in my house. Something that probably wouldn’t move successfully. Something I really don’t want to move. But something I can’t just let go.

It’s a cactus.

I’m about to reveal something really weird about myself. But that’s kind of what this whole blog is about so I don’t think it will scare you away. I create these weird connections to certain objects in my life. Usually plants.

It’s a very bad connection for me to have because I have a thumb and it’s not green. It’s whatever color is directly opposite it on the color wheel. I don’t kill things, per se. I just don’t do a very good job of taking care of them.

When I was in college, I won the lead in the Spring semester play during my senior year. It was exciting, thrilling, and a dream come true. And thankfully, no singing was required. It was a period piece set during the 30s and I got to fully embrace the fashion and style of a decade I love so much.

I remember, on opening night, all the well wishes and cards and flowers from all of the theater crowd that I admired so much. I especially remember the small plant that one of the most terrific actresses in the theater department gave me.

She also gave me a nice card with words of encouragement. Words I can’t remember now but from that night on, I vowed that as long as that plant stayed alive, I still had a chance at an acting career. That was 1992.

That plant struggled to live for years and year. It would get to the brink of death for lack of water and I would bring it back. It looked awful. But I couldn’t let it go.

One day, I just decided it was time. The plant was ugly by then and it didn’t real have anything to do with my dreams, right? So I threw it away. But I think then, I knew I was accepting that my dream of being an actress was over. I wasn’t sad. I just realized that my dreams had been replaced by different ones.

And now I’m stuck with a 5 foot cactus. The cactus of my life. When I got the cactus, it was two little nubs sticking out of a small pot. I bought it somewhere. Maybe at a grocery store. I don’t remember when but I’m pretty sure the cactus predates my husband and we’ve been together for 11 years.

me-and-my-cactus

Cacti seem to be the only thing I can keep alive. You can literally go months without watering it. I mean, you’re not supposed to but if you do, they will still live. I look at this ridiculously tall plant with ridiculously shallow roots and wonder how it can still be standing upright. How it can still be alive.

tall-cactus

Tracing up the cactus, you can see how it’s growth reflected the attention I paid it over the ears. Some sections are brown and almost woody. Clearly a time of neglect. A period of stunted growth. They’re tough but skinny.

Other sections are bright green and rounded, with lots of offshoots. This was a time of the happy cactus. A time when I probably changed the soil and gave fertilizer and water regularly.

the-cactus-of-my-life

This cactus is like a time capsule of my life. It reflects me. So now what do I do? It’s kind of ugly. And how do you move a 5 foot cactus? But how do I throw away a plant that has endured so much?

So I am a little crazy. And it’s okay if you tell me that. But while you’re at it, can you tell me what you would do with the cactus?

39 thoughts on “The Cactus of My Life”

  1. I think it’s lovely! I’d be heartbroken if you threw it away. Maybe a new home, or a friend who can take care of it? Can it be …um…chopped or made into smaller plants? I’m not a plants kind of gal, wish I had more to suggest!

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    • I’m scared it will crack in half. And what car will this fool-thing fit into? I guess I have some creative work to do.

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  2. I can’t keep plants alive at all. Not even the ones that are supposed to be impossible to kill. If I’d kept a plant alive for 5 years, I’d buy it little dresses and take it everywhere with me. Or, at the very least, take it with me when I moved.

    (So what I’m saying is: Take the cactus.)

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  3. OMG I love it and hate it at the same time. But I think that it should be rewarded for its lack of need. So I vote: Keep it.

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  4. OMG I love it and hate it at the same time. But I think that it should be rewarded for its lack of need. So I vote: Keep it.

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    • I know, right? It’s stupid and ugly yet it’s a sign of perseverance. I feel like it deserves better than me. Let me think about it.

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  5. No doubt about it, you should keep it. I totally would. This could be because I’m someone who can barely keep her own kids alive, let alone something set in dirt but whatever, I’d be weirdly attached to it too.

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  6. Definitely a keeper. That plant has a beautiful story that you can remember everytime you pass by it. I got rid of a plant that was a gift for our first home & I regreted it a long time.

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    • I have another plant that was a housewarming gift. I’ve kept it alive through mites and everything. I guess I have to keep that one too.

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  7. I think you should keep it, you will definitely have to get creative about how to move it but I think it’s so beautiful how it documents your life as well.

    I can’t keep plants alive either.

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  8. I can relate. I have a half dead plant in my bedroom that I just barely keep alive. I continuously consider getting rid of it, but I just can’t. My husband and I got it for our apartment just after we got married. So of course that half dead plant is somehow tied to my marriage. I guess that a half dead plant really isn’t something that I should want tied to my marriage right? hmmm.

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  9. You have to keep the cactus! I married into a family of succulents. We have given many away but currently have 3 Jades and 2 Christmas Cactus(es?/i?) Jerry is the proud owner of a Christmas cactus his grandmother had in her house for his entire life. So yeah, I feel ya. We have a 40 year old Christmas Cactus and it’s not going anywhere 🙂

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    • Yes – I have a Christmas Cactus that I think I will pass down to my grandchildren. This big guy? I’m not so sure of what his fate is yet.

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  10. Since Angie just bought Rachel “The Cactus Hotel” for her birthday, I have a newfound appreciation for cacti. I vote he stays!

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  11. Hello, I stumbled across your blog while googling “how to move a house cactus.”   I have the exact same cactus in my house except its grown out versus up, so I have this 3 foot high cactus that is now also about 4 foot in diameter.  I found it as 2 little 6 inch cacti in the same pot at a yard sale 10 years ago for 5 bucks on the first weekend after I moved into my house.  I SO WANT to get rid of it but when I go to do it, I can’t without becoming awash with tremendous guilt & remorse.  I am a plant person and have many that I’ve kept alive for many years, my oldest is 13 years.  So I like the cactus but moving it outdoors for the summer and back indoors for the winter has become  a real bear!  All that to say, YES, you should keep your cactus, it’s stuck (no pun intended) by you during the good and bad times without any complaint and frankly it looks quite nice in your house and rewards you every day with fresh oxygen to breath in your home.  :() 

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    • I’m glad to know I’m not alone in my cactus quandry!! I was overwhelmed by how many people DIDN’T think I was a nut for having an emotional attachment to this cactus. Our house is on the market and we’ll hopefully be moving this summer. I think I’ll take the cactus with me. If he survives the move, then it was meant to be 🙂

      Glad you stopped by!! 

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  12. I have a cactus just like this, had it since I was a teenager. I could never throw it away. Ever. Definately keep it. But if you really don’t want it around your home, plant it in a friends/family members green house, if you can. Then you can visit from time to time (now I’m starting to sound wierd.)

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    • Doesn’t sound weird. I often develop an unhealthy attachment to “things” but I can’t bring myself to dump this cactus. it will either go with me or I will find it a good home!

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    • I have the same cactus. I recently moved and we had to build a bubble wrap capsule with wood stakes for support. I really want to know the name of this cactus. It was given to me when I started college 4 years ago as a tiny start. I’ve had to re-pot it (3 person job), and I refuse to cut it up.

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  13. My sister gave me a cactus that her son brought home from kindergarten. It is a bit smaller than yours, but this cactus is about 29 years old. I love your story by the way. I feel like I owe it to my nephew to keep it until he is able to take it off my hands. The chances of that happening are slim to none, but I hope. Anyway, if you don’t want to get rid of it, try checking with some local stores that seem to love plants. They might take it off your hands, if not, try to find a local school or office. This way, it won’t be hard to visit it.

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