The Kids Grow Up is a documentary by filmmaker Doug Block, who decides to “document” his daughter Lucy’s last year at home before going away (far away) to college.
After seeing it, I felt that a movie review or I guess, technically, a documentary review was in order. But I can’t talk about a documentary like without talking about my own son and the thought of him growing up.
First, the film:
Documentary filmmaker Doug Block decides to “document” his daughter Lucy’s last year at home before going away (far away) to college. He films Lucy at school, Lucy at home, Lucy at her prom, Lucy with her friends, Lucy with her boyfriend. On the surface, you might be a little bored with an 18 year old’s view on life. And if you’re not bored, you will probably be thankful that you don’t have to go back and relive that time in your life.
I expected to be focused on the parents’ perspective in the film and instead found myself reliving a lot of my own hopes and fears and anxieties about leaving home and moving far away for college. It’s such a time of transition and turmoil. As an 18 year old, I couldn’t wait to move away and finally experience freedom and independence. I didn’t feel nostalgic or lament leaving my family behind.
And neither did Lucy. Doug’s filmmaking captured that.
Doug takes footage from his daughter’s last year at home and intersperses them with his family history. Some of it is about Lucy. Some of it is about him and his own parents. And much of it (in fact, my favorite parts) were about his wife Marjorie.
The film is described as such:
Moving seamlessly between past, present, and the fast-approaching future, Block has not only crafted a loving portrait of a girl transitioning into womanhood, but also an incredibly candid look at parenting and what it means to let go.
Here’s my take.
This film isn’t so much about Lucy as it is about Doug facing the reality of his little girl growing up and creating her own life. Throughout the film, you see Doug project his own thoughts and fears on to Lucy. He wants to know what she thinks about, how she wants her life to turn out, what she wants to do, where she wants to go. In almost every instance, she giggles or rolls her eyes and says “I don’t know.”
Translation: Dad, I don’t want to think about all that stuff. Will you just leave me alone and let me have fun?
You can almost feel Doug projecting his existential angst on Lucy. Wanting to get inside of her head when in reality, he was probably already there. He just happened to find that Lucy was thinking 18 year old thoughts.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t the father-daughter interactions that moved me. It was all of the interactions with the “supporting characters.”
His wife, Marjorie, was the star of the film for me. She was so open and comfortable. She knew who she was as a person and had amazing insight and perspective throughout the film. We watched Marjorie lament her husband’s enthusiasm for their impending empty nest time together. We watched Marjorie work through a major episode of depression in a way that was so painful but real and relatable to many of us. We watched Marjorie come back to life and watched her firmly embrace her little girl as she held her hand and sent her off to college.
His stepson, whose name escapes me, also give a great perspective. During the course of the filming, he becomes a father himself. As he raises his son from baby to toddler, he shares his wisdom with Doug about her upcoming departure for college: if you are going to miss the day-to-day presence of Lucy being around, I totally get that. But if you’re mourning the loss of who she was, the little girl that was Lucy, get over it.
Truer, but more difficult words, have never been spoken. I’m the mom who never really liked babies. I’m the mom who couldn’t wait for the first 3 months to pass. I’m the mom who wished and waited and hoped for the fun times with my little boy.
But I’m also the mom that looks back at the scores of photographs wondering how I didn’t just eat up every moment I’ve had with Evan. I’m the mom who relishes every hug and kiss but still feels pangs of jealousy when he wants to spend time with Daddy. I’m the mom who will have a hard time letting go.
I know I probably torture my son. I ask him all the time if he will always love me. Even when he’s a scornful teenager. He says he will love me to infinity and beyond. I ask him how he will feel about leaving for college. He says he wants me to go with him. So far, I’m okay with that plan.
For now, I’m going to spend time holding him tight for as long as I can so that when I have to loosen my grip, I won’t ever feel that I have missed my opportunities and wished away the time. And I think I’m going to shoot more video.
8 comments
I really liked your perspective. I am still digesting and hope I can put something meaningful together over the weekend. Enjoy Halloween!
I almost felt like I needed to watch it 3 times. Or have it to refer back to. But in the end, I think this is what I got out of the film. Thanks for sharing!!
I’m that mom, too. I couldn’t wait for the kids to get past that tinybaby stuff. And now I see newborns and want to hold them for hours. (But then I can give them back to their parents!)
My daughter is 5, and she’s already telling me she can’t wait to go to college. My 3-year-old son, however, still tells me he loves me “more than all the stars.” I think he wants to stay home forever.
I’m trying as best as I can to let every single hug and sweetness bury itself in my subconscious to bolster me in those times when they’re being rotten. 🙂
I’m still more of a 10-12 month old kind of person. I don’t get excited about newborns but I do miss that super cute baby phase where you can make them laugh at just about anything.
My husband tells me that every little boy loves his mommy in a special way. Makes me thrilled I have a little boy. And it makes the middle of the night wakings more tolerable 🙂
My son will NOT be growing up and leaving home. He has agreed to stay six and I think it’s a nice plan. (Yes, that was all a joke, no I’m not going to emotionally stunt or smother my son… yes, I do want him to be small enough to sit on my lap forever but still know that he can’t.)
Okay, we’ll start a club called “We’re keeping our sons at home forever. But not really.”
I too need more video. I want my children to want to go away and be independent but the thought of that makes me said..because they will not need me or the Hubbs anymore. *sigh*
Great perspective! Hope they eventually have this one on Netflix.
I noticed that we took TONS of pictures and video the first 6 months. Then it waned a little. And a little more. And a little more. I try to keep up with it. At least the blog has made me a little obsessed about documenting our lives, in a good way.