A few months ago, I was hopping on an airplane to fly somewhere and I took my aisle seat. I looked over and saw a rather good looking guy sitting in the window seat. I was feeling pretty put together. Hair was done, makeup applied, and my best jeans on. I’ll admit, I wondered if he would cast a glance in my direction. As I sat down, it hit me. I’m much older than him. I’m no longer the girl who might get looked at. I’m more likely to be the mother of the girl who gets looked at.
I know this shouldn’t have been a newsflash for me but sometimes I live in fantasyland. I forget that I’m as old as I am and I don’t really like it.
(I do love Instagram filters, however.)
I won’t say that getting older sucks. I’m tempted to, but I remember that not everyone is granted the privilege of getting older. That gives me at least a little perspective.
There are, of course, many positive aspects of aging. My confidence is better than it ever has been. More importantly, my “I don’t really give a damn” meter is pretty high too. The things that used to bother me – that I used to rue on for days or weeks at a time – just roll off my back. Perspective is much easier to come by.
Oh, and the wisdom. You don’t really really how wise you are until you hang out with people younger than you. Whether it’s the 8 year old kids in the neighborhood or the 30 year old moms at school or the approaching 40 friends all over the place, I can resolutely meet them with the been there, done that attitude and tell them that I’ve safely come out the other side.
With age comes wisdom, I’m constantly reminding myself. Because it’s true.
But let’s face it. 40 is not the new 20. Maybe it is mentally or sociologically speaking. But physically, things really start to head south after forty. In fact, almost exactly when you turn forty.
First stop – metabolism. You think it was hard to lose weight in your 30s? Try in your 40s. Your body seems somehow convinced that you really need an extra 10 pounds of flab around the middle and the rear no matter what you do. I suspect it’s the extra padding our body thinks we’ll need when we start falling and potentially breaking a hip.
I used to be able to treat myself to a McDonald’s meal once a week or so. Now, even the teeny tiny Happy Meal is sure to add an extra pound or two. And the toys aren’t even that good anymore.
The eyes start to go too. It’s a little a shocking at first when you realize you’re looking down at your dinner plate and actually looking under your glasses because it bothers your eyes to look at things too closely. In fact, I was standing in line at the pharmacy the other day and noticed a display of reading glasses. Just to see what the fuss was all about, I put a pair on and wow. It made close up things seem okay again. I don’t quite need them yet but I see the direction I’m heading in.
And how about the nightsweats? Has no one told you about them? Usually when you hit your late 30s, you start this whole perimenopause thing where your body can’t decide what to do with its hormones anymore. Some nights, you’re fine. Other nights you wake up in a cold sweat, totally drenched. And if the nightsweats don’t get you, the extreme PMS will. At least one day a month, I curse anyone who crosses my path for simply breathing.
But the worst part is watching my face change. I have some grays that peek out around my face and I’m definitely dealing with thinning hair. My skin, however, is aging exactly on schedule. I’ve got some pre-jowls at my chinline, drooping eyelids, and so many fine lines around my eyes that I’ve caught myself avoiding smiling because I’m so self-conscious of them.
The real problem is that I don’t feel as old as my birth certificate says I am. On a good day, I blow out my long hair, put on my best jeans, throw on some lipstick, and head out to conquer the world. I feel young and hip and I see that as a good thing. On other days, just feeling good isn’t enough.
(this is also why I wear makeup)
When I was younger, I remember truly believing that you’re only as old as you feel. Age ain’t nothing but a number. And on the inside, I couldn’t agree more. On the outside, my body is fighting me but I’m going to do my best to crank up that “I don’t give a damn” meter. So if you see me with my hair too long sporting a rainbow loom bracelet and riding my Y-Fliker down the driveway, remember that I’m only acting my age.
27 comments
Well done, Fadra! You get it. Keep that hair as long as you want it.
I get the urge to chop it all off every so often but I’m not ready to be “that” lady yet.
I’m not quite at the same point but I am the oldest of my friends and I’m hitting 35 this year. They are excitedly talking plans and I am struggling with 35- the beginning on a new check mark spot in paperwork, fashion rules… I know I’m still younger but it’s still a change. BTW McDonald’s toys are crap now. My son gets them and I just shake me head. I remember the good ones like the Bambi set I collected and played with.
I think the age thing is more prominent when you’re in a different life stage. I am surrounded by mostly younger people but we’re all going through the same things. It definitely keeps me younger.
You’d be surprised how much this affects men, too. I keep reading and hearing how older guys are supposed to be distinguished and younger women are supposed to be all into my business.
Truth?
I don’t get looks from anybody but my wife and the occasionally women my age – 43 or older. And I’m cool with that. The gray hair, wrinkles, sore back 24/7 and constant fatigue are war wounds. I have great stories,
Lance
Actually, I know it affects men. My husband is 5 years older than me but has always looked 5 years younger. And this year, when he turned 48, he said, “I’m 12 years away from 60!” I don’t think 12 years in advance but he thinks about never having the house paid off and feeling tired all the time. We’re working through it together but we both get it.
I hear you on all of this, Fadra! I’m turning 40 this year and I still feel in my 20s mentally. As you said, not everyone gets to grow old so I’m going to hold onto that. I am much wiser and more confident, sure, but I’d give anything to shake my 20something self and give her some perspective!
In related news, I was sitting by myself at a bar this weekend (hubby and kids were still out skiing, I was cold and went into get a drink) and some guy next to me started hitting on me. I was feeling pretty good about the fact that I was actually getting hit on until he made a reference to being in his 50s and started talking about his hip replacement surgeries. Oy.
Oh, I can attract the over 50/60 set like nobody’s business. I’d never actually go for a younger guy (you know, if I were in the market), but it would be nice to catch someone’s eye once in a while. BTW, I loved turning 40. It was a great year. But thing definitely start to go south after that!
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. The plane thing, totally been there.
It sucks because I’m not ready to be that person. I still want to be the leading lady, not the older actress coming back to play the mom.
I hear ya! I will be 37 later this year and all the sudden I am thinking about aging more and more. I have been borrowing anti-aging books from the library and researching anti-aging foods, etc. It all started when I noticed that the skin around my neck was getting thinner and that my hands looked ‘old’ when I wore dark nail polish. All these subtle little things start the unease about this very natural thing.
Oh yeah. I forgot about the neck. I have the chicken neck. I try not to think about it because there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. But I do try and strike the most flattering poses for the camera to minimize it all!
Loved this post and can totally relate! Thanks for the laughs!
If only none of it were true!
I don’t even want to know about that menopause stuff. I’ve been dreading that since my teens. You might find me skipping down the street in pigtails with you! And you look great, by the way. I wouldn’t sweat that AT ALL.
I used to think menopause would rock. I mean, why would anyone be upset about not having a monthly period? But I get it now. When your hormones change, you become a raging beast.
I always feel like the youngest person in the room and I’m 57!
I’m the same way. I feel young and playful and goofy. But clearly I’m NOT the youngest. I can only hope it doesn’t make me look like an idiot!
Love the “I don’t give a damn meter.” Good book title!!!!
I’ll start writing the manuscript 😉
I get so many comments on my gray hair. So many. I started graying in my late 20’s and embraced. However, as I get older, I have my moments when I worry that I am starting to have the face to match it.
I love silver hair. But it does confuse me. I will admit that I honestly have no reasonable guess as to how old you are. And don’t tell me. I like the mystery.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this stuff too now that I’ve hit 40. I’m thrilled to be getting older and hopefully wiser along with it, but it is interesting to look around and realize some of these same things.
I wouldn’t say I’m “thrilled.” I liked being 34. That age is stuck in my head. But I didn’t become a mom until I was 36 so I’ve definitely experienced some amazing things in my “advanced maternal age.”
Love this. I’m with you. I only “look” 12. Oh, wait, maybe I don’t look 12 anymore, so – do I? 😉
Only I honestly don’t wear make-up. I just don’t have the patience for it. But it’s me being me. Long hair (for now til the next time I donate it), laugh lines, crinkled forehead. It’s me. I’m okay with it. Love that you are good with you, too.
Sigh. Forty. I think I really hit the wall at 40. You know the one where you throw caution to the wind and eat that extra piece of cheesecake. Every night. And then wonder why you’ve gained 5 pounds.
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