Now I know why people loved Stream of Consciousness Sunday. I get so caught up in programs and sponsored posts and reviews and work that sometimes I want to just write. And sometimes, the words just don’t come.
With Jana’s SOC Sunday, I get a quick prompt and 5 minutes to just type whatever comes out of my brain and gets channeled through my fingers.
Today, I chose to go with Jana’s (totally optional) writing prompt:
What is something you have passed on (on purpose or not) to your children?
Or what did your parents pass on to you?
He is his mother’s son. I’m the mother. He’s the son. I think that no matter how hard you try, your children become like you and you become like your parents.
We’re quick to notice all the cute things. My son has my sense of humor. He’s a jokester. The other day I explained sarcasm to him. He gets it. In fact, he’s gotten it for quite some time. he just could put a name to it.
Those things make me proud. He’s just like me. I want that.
But then, I see things I don’t like coming out in him. And I realize, Oh my God. That’s me. Those are my words coming out of his mouth.
He uses my expressions. He says my bad words. He whines when he doesn’t get his way. He gets angry for reasons he can’t explain. He gets depressed when he’s bored and doesn’t really realize he’s bored. He likes food too much. He’s happier to sit on the couch and watch TV or play video games rather than run outside in the sunshine.
He is my son, through and through. And the older he gets, the more I realize that it goes beyond observation for your children. It goes beyond teaching your children. It then becomes modeling for your children. And oh, how I was I meant professional modeling.
Instead, it’s about good behavior. Healthy behavior. Make the right, moral choices and making him understand that it’s important to always do the right thing even when it’s not the easiest thing.
Much of what i see in myself comes from my parents. I fight it. I hate to give them credit. I’m an independent individual, but like it or not, they shaped me in much the same way I’m shaping my son.
Perhaps it’s a good thing that I only have one kid to shape. But on the other hand, it’s not like I can screw up my first kid and then learn from my mistakes with the second one. This is a one shot deal for me to get it right. And everyday, I have to check and see if I am.
6 comments
What a great post. Getting beyond the do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do level of parenting is the ultimate challenge. Your son is a lucky young man, to have a mother who is self-aware.
You may not do it all right (who does?), but you are definitely focused, IMHO, on what matters. Of course, I’m speaking with the perspective of 20-20 hindsight. lol
Sometimes you forget in the moment but I definitely try to keep perspective, even if it’s after I’ve lost my temper! Luckily, I’ve also modeled how to say I’m sorry when I should have been better behaved.
Fadra, I SO hear you. This was a beautiful post, and honestly, I know you’re an honest blogger and I feel that I have come to know you – but this post, more than any of yours I have ever read – truly introduces me to you in a way I didn’t know before. I hope that doesn’t sound too weird. Thank you for sharing.
Not weird at all. I had to go back and re-read it after you said that! One thing I will always admit about myself is that I am flawed but I’m okay with that. It gives me more to learn.
Or you could be like me…and have BOTH kids be you and realize you are making a mistake with both of them in the modeling department!! :O But I hear you…I see myself in each of my kids and some days it’s cute but when they are frustrating me? It is like fighting with myself and it scares me…
You have plenty of time to correct your mistakes, if even you are even making them. We are their biggest influencers! I can tell you, though, as we’re nearing the end of kindergarten, FRIENDS start to become even bigger influencers. It’s a struggle!