If you ever wonder how much I filter what I write on my blog, I have to tell you: not very much. But I do try to keep the stories I tell to be my stories and the way I experience life. So I kept that in my head as I wrote.
This isn’t a story about loss. It’s my thoughts on how the world reacts when one of us stops to get off.
Thanks to those of you that have been reading over the past few weeks while I have endured a few losses. Grief is a very personal emotion and one of the few that I don’t care to share too much. However, your comments and words and just knowing that you read have helped in more ways than you know.
Went to a funeral today. Although I guess it wasn’t called a funeral. It was a memorial service, or a celebration of life. It was sad. I cried. A lot.
My neighbor died suddenly last week. I was okay with it. I knew him and liked him. I liked his family. But for some reason, I didn’t feel a lot of emotion. I wondered why I didn’t. I thought maybe something in me had lost that caring, sympathetic, empathetic feeling.
Then I was asked to make dinner for the grieving family one night. I took it down there. I met his father and hugged him right away. I hugged his wife. And all of the sudden it felt real. I could feel the gravity of the situation. I could feel the pain that had been welling up inside.
I went to the memorial service today not knowing what to expect. I know his wife wanted to keep it upbeat. She held up incredibly well as his father, brothers, brothers-in-law, his daughter, and even his boss spoke. HIS BOSS SPOKE.
And of course, my mind went where it always does. Back to me.
Who would speak at my funeral? What would they say? Would I have a boss who would want to talk about me? Would it be friends or just family? Would it be well-attended? Would people laugh at memories or simply cry? And how would I be remembered?
As I listened to the stories, I got a sense of the man I didn’t really know. He was a good neighbor. A nice man. But I wondered if he really knew how loved, admired, and respected he was. If people really saw and admired his heart. And then I wondered if any of us will ever really know.
The best things seem to be said about us after we are gone. And I got to thinking today. Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Maybe we’re not supposed to know. Maybe each person lives their life never really truly knowing the impact they leave on others.