I have no trouble admitting that I want to be successful. But I have problems when it comes to defining what that success looks like and what I should do to get there. While I was grocery shopping today, I was thinking about this post that was yet to be written and I realized that I’m a victim of blind ambition.
Here’s my 5 minute brain dump…
I spent almost an hour yesterday looking at new themes for my blog. I want something fresh and something different and something that will make me stand out. And instead, I found myself looking at a million other blogs and themes and coming up with a list of categories that I write about that sound just like every other “lifestyle blogger” out there.
And this is my problem. I want to rise to the top. But the question is… the top of what? I have a recurring conversation with my friend Amelia about what my thing is. What’s my thing? What am I good at? What do I excel at? Where do I stand out? And after all these years, I still don’t know. I like doing video. I like writing. I like taking pictures. But where does my real passion lie? Because if I could figure that out, I could focus my energy on that instead of dabbling in a little bit of this and that.
It was the same way for me in school. In high school, when I simple had to have good grades, it wasn’t a problem. But when I got to college and had to focus my energy on a specific area of interest, I couldn’t do it. I majored in Biology, minored in Chemistry. But I pursued a B.A. and not a B.S. because I liked the liberal arts side of things and also minored in Theater. Life and career path would have been easier if I could have focused on that one thing.
And even now, I enjoy what I’m doing but I have no mentor or role model to look up to. There are people that I love and admire but I’m not looking to follow in their footsteps. And frankly, I’m tired of trying to figure it all out.
I know this isn’t a social media problem or blogging problem. It’s a life problem and my life just happens to be played out (for the most part) in the public eye. I’d really love to know how you’ve found your way in life. Or if you’re like me and wondering if you’ll ever find your way.
(Also, my wise friend Amelia suggested I read “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown so if you’ve read that, I’d love to hear your thoughts.)