Poor Jana over is so sick that she could barely take time to write a prompt for today’s Stream of Consciousness Sunday. It’s okay, though, because I had my own thoughts brewing that I simply needed to get out. Here’s 5 minutes, unedited, from my brain this morning.
I hate writing about current topics only because it feels like i’m standing up saying ME TOO! ME TOO! Or I feel like I’m trying to create a voice that willr esonate more than anyone else’s.
But that’s not what I’m doing. I’m just dumping my brain. For 5 minutes.
I’ve recently started seeing a counselor. Yes, I lower my head as I walk to the office. Yes, the office window is covered by frosted glass. Yes, we sit in the waiting room, not talking to each other but somehow silently acknowledging that we’re all there for help, in some way or another.
I feel a little ashamed and I don’t know why. Like maybe I’m not crazy enough to need to talk to someone. Maybe I’m suffering the spoils of being a white, middle class suburban housewife. I worry, worry, worry.
But worry leads to anxiety, leads to depression, leads to…
Mental health is something that is so hard to talk about. So hard, even for me. Even though I laugh it off like I’m going to go see a shrink and lay down on the couch (I actually do have an urge to lay down on her couch, but haven’t yet done that).
What’s wrong with people? What’s wrong with us? I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. Not so that I’ll have any sort of understanding because HOW can you EVER understand THAT? I don’t even need to identify the THAT for you to know what I’m talking about.
I think of our live bombarded with TV, text, radio, tweets, Facebook. Information is always flowing in and out of our brains. How many people do you know take medication because they can’t turn their brains off? They can’t relax. They can’t sleep. We all drink wine and laugh about it.
Our society has moved as such an incredibly fast rate in the past 50 years. Have we adapted? Can our bodies and brains adapt in an evolutionary way to allow us to deal with the new society we’ve created?
No. I don’t think so. For me and my opinion, and mine alone, and nobody else’s, it’s not about guns or mental health. It’s not about the ONE THING that we can put a label on. It’s not regulations or medication. It’s none of that. It’s people. It’s parents understanding their children. Loving them, caring for them, getting support for them (and for themselves).
It’s people learning to sit with their emotions. Let them stir and stew. Feeling the feelings. NOT lashing out with blog posts, or angry tweets, or stalking, or God forbid, a complete pre-meditated assault on other innocent human beings because you have so much pain that you don’t know what to do with it.
This was a 5 minute stream of consciousness brain dump. It’s unedited and unfiltered. Read and comment if you like but today’s post was simply my online journal entry. And it satisfied the need I’ve had to express myself without being overwhelmed with emotion. In this terribly tragic time, I’m finding comfort in the words of The Velveteen Rabbi and encourage you to read her prayer, “God, let me cry on your shoulder.”