I always say that writing on a Sunday morning results in a much different post than when I write on a Saturday evening. Yesterday, I was in a bit of a funk and simply forgot about my post. And then this morning the internet was down and my site was down. So I guess this was the post I was meant to write at the time I was meant to write it. And I didn’t even watch the clock today.
Here’s my 5 minute brain dump…
Lately, it feels like a brain dump is more like a confessional. A place to rest my head and my thoughts. Because I’m struggling right now. I’m struggling with feeling good physically and mentally. And more than anything, I’m simply bored.
Although I love how the world of social media is different every day, I don’t have any professional goals. I want some. I just don’t know what they should be. So my working feels like I’m simply pedaling a bicycle on a flat stretch of road and the scenery is getting boring after a while and I’m simply feel complacent.
And yesterday, a SATURDAY of all days, the day of all days, the day to unplug and unwind. The day of freedom and sleeping in and staying up late. And I was bored. It was too chilly for me to go outside for some much needed outside time. So I sat in front of the computer reading status after status of Facebook. And I felt like I had seen it all and done it all on the internet. I just couldn’t figure out what to do with myself.
When I get like this, I feel like I’m going to implode. So I decided that I needed some exercise and outside alone time was how I was going to get it. It turned out that it was as cold as I thought. I took a short walk, chatted with some neighbors but still had that unsettled internal feeling.
I stopped near a local creek and watched down the hill at the small waterfall that the melting snow was creating. I leaned against a guardrail just staring at the water when I noticed two women coming my way while walking their dogs. I’m sure I looked like someone who was contemplating a jump (although a jump would have simply resulted in me tumbling down the hill into the creek).
And it was so peaceful I decided I wanted to share that moment. I pulled up this crazy new livestreaming app called Meerkat and showed the world my little waterfall. Which then turned into a 20 minute walk along the muddy bank of the creek while I brought the internet along with me. 23 people watched me on my walk. For some reason, that made it feel more worthwhile. I was craving the alone time but I also felt a surge of excitement as I shared my alone time.
All that to say, I think I’m hitting midlife fast and hard and I’m struggling to make my way through it.