My weeks have been so crazy lately. Sometimes I’m swamped with writing. Sometimes I’m swamped with being a wife and mother and household manager. Sometimes it’s both and I’m not always the best at keeping balanced.
This week, I’ve had a lot of frustration with my beautiful little boy. My pride and joy. Who makes me crazy. He’s so wonderful and smart and sweet and special and annoying and talkative and just NONSTOP. If you’re a mom, I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. If so, maybe you’ll cut me some slack this week.
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Ahhhh, motherhood. Or is it really childhood that makes me sigh. I try hard to be a good mother and I clearly recognize the moments where I’m not. But lately, I just don’t know.
My son is 4 and is full of just about every fear known to man. I know this and I get this. I have many phobies myself. And I also know this is the age when monsters and so on become real fears of theirs. I try to understand. But after the 46th request that I accompany him to the bathroom because he’s afraid of monsters in there, I get exhausted.
And it’s not just monsters.
It’s getting his nails clipped. It’s not that he doesn’t like getting them clipped. It’s that he’s terrified of it. He doesn’t like his nails clipped and will NOT let me clip his toes. What do I do?
He’s terrified of every speck of dirt and flying insect in the sky. He’s not of fan of bugs and I can’t blame him. I don’t like them either. I have my own phobias. But last week, he got sting by a yellow jacket and that has sent him off the deep end. He gets paranoid by everythiing posssible thing he thinks could be a bug. It’s exhausting to try to calm him down all the time.
And then tonight, it was his hair. I told him I just wanted to trim above his ears. I always give him advanced notice. I planned to do a quick trim while he was in the tub so he could rinse off the hair right away. The result? He freaked out when he saw the scissors. Totally inconsolable even though I’ve given him tons of haircut before. I lost my sympathy and patience and yelled at him. He cried. I got him ready for bed and hugged him until he fell asleep.
Sometimes, it’s so damn hard to be a parent.
36 comments
I understand completely! I just couldn’t find balance this week no matter how much I tried. My toddlers phobia right now is getting his hair washed. It’s such a big production that I don’t even get involved any more. I let the hubby do it. I just don’t have the patience. And that always makes me feel like a bad mom. It’s such a little thing in the grand scheme of things you know?
It’s kind of funny. I remember when that was a phobia of ours too. He was terrified of soap in his eyes. I guess it just goes to show that these things do pass.
And don’t forget to mention trying to clean their faces and wipe their noses that’s a battle. Toddlers are something else I would love to meet a toddler that is agreeable with everything I do I will adopt him asap
I look back at him being a toddler (not a preschooler) and realize how much easier it was just to do everything by force. It’s not so easy now that there is reason. and logic, and emotion involved.
I wish I had some wonderful, all knowing advice to give.It’s been far too long since I’ve had little ones and had to deal with such things. I do know, when my boys turned 4, they became different children. I still wonder where those sweet 3 year old boys went. I guess I can say don’t make a big deal out of the fears, or let him see you react to a fear. I’m sure it will pass in time, and hang in there. It’s all worth it, and they grow so fast then move to California. (where my oldest moved)
I know what you mean about the sweet little boy disappearing. It’s taken a little longer but I see him slowly going away. I try to remember that it all passes and nothing bad has ever happened because someone didn’t have their hair trimmed.
Seems like there is always a battle to be fought when you are a parent. I wish I could say it gets easier but I’m dealing with a pre-hormonal 8 year old. I dread the teen years
I taught 13 year olds for a year and swore I would never have children. Thank God I’ll be a little older and hopefully wiser when my son gets to that age.
I can totally relate. My twins are 3.5, and believe me when I tell you that they are KILLING me. Very independent, but still very needy, and very, very moody. It’s like walking on eggshells trying to keep them from going over the edge.
I’m not sure which is worse, the moodiness or the neediness. Why can’t they all just be angels??
I’m with ya dear. SO WITH YOU!Â
The week hasn’t gotten any better. Grrrr.
This is just the preparatory year…sorry but it repeats itself at 9 years, but w/more crying and a louder mouth and then you have 14 years, doesn’t cry but growls, manipulates, sometimes taller than you and is all knowledgeable. On my last one of five, I am waiting anxiously for it to pass, but nowadays I am told it lasts through age 17. There are rewards all along the way which bring you back to the smiling mom and you remember the milestones, hugs and celebrations. If you choose motherhood in your life, it will be your greatest achievement. Fadra is one of mine. 🙂
This is just the preparatory year…sorry but it repeats itself at 9 years, but w/more crying and a louder mouth and then you have 14 years, doesn’t cry but growls, manipulates, sometimes taller than you and is all knowledgeable. On my last one of five, I am waiting anxiously for it to pass, but nowadays I am told it lasts through age 17. There are rewards all along the way which bring you back to the smiling mom and you remember the milestones, hugs and celebrations. If you choose motherhood in your life, it will be your greatest achievement. Fadra is one of mine. 🙂
I just get so frustrated and annoyed and then feel guilty for feeling that way. And then I torture myself over how my demeanor might be affecting him. Yes, it’s hard.
Being a parent IS the hardest job in the world. It’s amazing how kids are little people with all sorts of hang ups and obsessions – it’s hard to get around then when you try to get them to do what we need and want them to do.
BiP’s latest thing is to freak out when she drops some food on the floor – she loses it and wants to get out of her high chair to pick it up and then gets distracted and well, it’s a battle.Â
Funny how we spend the whole day looking forward to bed time and then 10 mins after bed time we miss them…Â
This sentence: “Funny how we spend the whole day looking forward to bed time and then 10 mins after bed time we miss them…”
That’s EXACTLY how I feel. I think I need you to come over for a cup of tea sometime. Y’know, when you’re in this country.
Yes, it is so darn hard at times. I get frustrated too with my daughter. I know she is one one, well in 4 days, but just let me cut your nails, so when you grab my face you don’t leave a mark!!!
Just wait until everything is totally intentional and deliberate. Like I mentioned above, at least at that age it’s easy to rule by force!
I have fearless children who make me the terrified one! That must be so hard but I am sure it is a sage and as he realizes that he is not going to be hurt by you or your scissors he will learn to relax. Good luck!
I know it’s a stage. I keep reminding myself that especially as I look back at all his other stages. It will pass. I just need to have a little patience.
I have had so many days recently when I have looked at one or the other of my boys and thought and even said aloud “Can you just stop acting like you’re 2 for five minutes?” to the 2.5 year old and “Can you just stop being a baby about this and let me complete a thought?” to my 11 month old. It’s rough, but this too shall pass!
That’s kind of funny. I tease my son a lot and say “Would you stop be so FOUR??” He gets a kick out of it.
Yes, definitely. Â Four is a very hard age especially boys. Â Three and Four. Â It gets better at five.Â
I’ve heard that before but now that you put it in print, I’m going to hold you to it!
Poor Evan and you. Hope some of his phobias start to ease up. I wish I had words of wisdom for you both.
It’s okay. You better save all your words of wisdom for yourself.
My husband and I are about to embark on the whole parenthood thing here soon and I’m a bit freaked. And, while posts like these only confirm that parenting is very hard, I’m thankful to see women talking honest about their frustrations.
Thank God for the internet. I only wish I was using it properly when my son was born 4 1/2 years ago. You will always find someone dealing with the same emotions as you. It is very hard but gets easier when you learn to trust your instincts.
You know what, I don’t clip my son’s nails at all. He’s a boy and plays like a boy so they naturally wear down or break or whatever on their own.
Beyond that, have you tried distractions? Something to hold his attention while you try to trim his hair so he might not even notice the scissors?
Just some thoughts…
You know what, I don’t clip my son’s nails at all. He’s a boy and plays like a boy so they naturally wear down or break or whatever on their own.
Beyond that, have you tried distractions? Something to hold his attention while you try to trim his hair so he might not even notice the scissors?
Just some thoughts…
He used to be fine watching Spider-Man cartoons on my iPad. I could cut for hours. Not anymore. We may start checking out long hairstyles soon!
Ask him what he thinks would work, you may be surprised. Grady is 3 and has the monster phase every so often so once I asked him what to do and he told me to tell them to go away. Literally all I do is in a very bored voice say “monster go away” that’s it! And then he’s good for the rest of the night.
We use clippers instead of scissors and that makes a difference. Plus tickles with a makeup brush to get the hair off.
For nail we follow up clipping with clear polish or colors on the toes as he sees me do my nails all the time and likes the color. As well as making sure he sees us cutting our nails without an issue.
I love those ideas. I did have my son draw the monsters recently and it was very eye-opening. Going to try some of them!
I used to cut my son’s nails while he slept which unfortunately was not often….I feel your pain and I am so happy I found your blog.
you are such a truly good one, fadra. mom, woman, blogger, friend…
i was the child afraid of the world, and i can only imagine how frustrating it was for my momma. and how helpless you feel, because with a child, there is no reason or reasoning when it comes to fear. just know this too shall pass. xo